Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a gun on my dad's bedside table. I knew it wasn't real, so I picked it up and posed like a badass. Then I shot a hole in their bedroom TV, blew out my eardrums, and my mom flew in and started screaming at me. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, my dad went through all the trouble of sneaking onto my laptop and photoshopping a bong into my Facebook profile picture, apparently just so he could win a €20 bet with my mom, that hinged on her grounding me by December. FML
Today, my dad and I got into an argument, and he ended up calling me a son of a bitch. My mom heard and started arguing with him over him calling her a bitch. Three hours later, I'm now staying at my gran's house with my mom and hoping her threats of a divorce weren't for real. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, my distraught mom called me, saying my dad had killed himself and to come home right away. After cussing out my math teacher for trying to stop me and rushing back home in a taxi, I ran into the living room, only to find my parents laughing so hard they were practically in tears. FML
Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML
Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML
Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML
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Top comments
skyeyez9 25
Wth is wrong with your dad?! That is a cruel thing to do
FrozenMusic 26
Suicide isn't something to joke about
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Comments (185)
mistress_paz 30
That's nothing to be ashamed about on your part--you cried and had "an accident" because you thought someone you loved hand died. Your parents should be ashamed for actively attempting to traumatize and shame you. Nothing you ever could have done to deserve that treatment. I'd talk about it to a counselor, maybe one at school if you're attending, because your parents' behavior is disturbing so it has to affect you beyond this incident.
CuteKoalaGirl 18
Wow, that is intense and awful. That is.. just... insanely uncalled for. I would say go talk to a school counselor, or any counselor you can reach out to. Your parents ... that's just.. wow..
TheBadAndGnarly 19
I lost my Dad to suicide and I find that extremely distasteful, and is something that shouldn't be joked about in such a way, I hope you and your Mum had a serious talk with him after the shock had subsided.
morgasshk 14
What a useless prick. Hello therapy.
Slothman102 11
Well, you can't say the man isn't dedicated. Props for going full out but jumping at you whilst you're in the shower or sleeping probably would have worked too.
Isa_fml 20
That's sick. You could really traumatise someone.
avx_fml 8
That's cruel. Shouldn't be used as a joke in my opinion
born_hustla 26
May be a bit extreme but I love your family!
kirbs19 37
Revenge time!
SexPot143 13
im sorry but I must say thats pretty awesome but ****** up at the same time. sorry OP