Today, my mother told me how long it took for her to have me. Not how long she carried me in her womb - how long it took her and my dad to have sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mum told me how I was only here because my dad couldn't pull out in time. FML
Today, I told my mother that I'm pregnant. She went off screaming at me about how I shouldn't be having sex. I am 25 and have been happily married for 3 years. FML
Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML
Today, my parents told me about how they met. I'd already known they were eight years apart, but I never knew my dad started dating my mom when he was 21 and she was 13. FML
Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML
Today, my mom screamed in my face that if she could go back in time, she’d rather have put up with the 3-minute pain of being fucked in the ass like her boyfriend wanted, because then she wouldn’t have had 13 years of pain raising me. FML
Today, my mother decided to share with me that my father is impotent, and they hadn't had sex in a year and a half. Thanks, Mom. I can never unhear that. FML
Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML
Today, my husband told my mother-in-law that we're trying to have a baby. She decided to call me and explain in extreme detail what positions to try, and when. FML
Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Obito_Rocks 6
Yikes, awkward for sure, but I can't help but ask... Was she bragging or griping?
Darkness_Hate 29
Was it the "sex talk" or her personl anecdote?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (50)
tepovre 18
The FML really depends on your age here.. As uncomfortable it would be, that conversation wouldn't disturb me to the point of having to write an FML about it. That is if she held back on the details...
mfmylifesrsly 30
I agree with you number 1. But what OP said could mean 2 different things - how many months their parents tried to get pregnant, or how long one episode of sex lasted. The latter is disturbing but not the first. My parents tried 9 years before they had my older sister.
chlorinegreen 27
The whole "one time without a condom won't hurt" is how long it took me to get pregnant. Hope my daughter isn't as stupid when it comes to sex later on... Literally one freakin time.
domolovesyoshi 33
But the outcome was worth It, yeah? In the end?
chlorinegreen 27
I'll let ya know ;) lol of course I love my baby girl wouldn't want it any other way! But let's be honest... Pregnancy is a bitch. I'm sorry to everyone who takes that offensively. I've been puking, light headed and haven't been able to poop regularly in months. Yes I said poop.
ashieme2009 12
40.. I agree.. pregnancy is a bitch.
Obito_Rocks 6
Yikes, awkward for sure, but I can't help but ask... Was she bragging or griping?
mazbry 9
Something we all really want to know about our parents ?
FemskyD 26
Parents need some manners xD my dad decided to inform me how his **** keeps falling out of his boxers when he walks The dog.. On which my mom responded yeah cuz it doesnt fit... Cant pick your family -.-
bluebluhblou 15
maybe it's an intro to the sex talk?
Darkness_Hate 29
Was it the "sex talk" or her personl anecdote?
Lasagnaa 24
Ugh that's just disgusting to think about! Sorry you had to hear that. FYL
Dreamsorrow93 24
>.> I took 12 minutes in a public bathroom.
lukian_fml 29
A child of passion!
clumsylobster 17
I think we all want to know long it was
gintwinsmoore 20
I certainly don't care. lol
Jasim 17
I really hope you don't have an active imagination.