Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a gun on my dad's bedside table. I knew it wasn't real, so I picked it up and posed like a badass. Then I shot a hole in their bedroom TV, blew out my eardrums, and my mom flew in and started screaming at me. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, my dad went through all the trouble of sneaking onto my laptop and photoshopping a bong into my Facebook profile picture, apparently just so he could win a €20 bet with my mom, that hinged on her grounding me by December. FML
Today, my dad and I got into an argument, and he ended up calling me a son of a bitch. My mom heard and started arguing with him over him calling her a bitch. Three hours later, I'm now staying at my gran's house with my mom and hoping her threats of a divorce weren't for real. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, my distraught mom called me, saying my dad had killed himself and to come home right away. After cussing out my math teacher for trying to stop me and rushing back home in a taxi, I ran into the living room, only to find my parents laughing so hard they were practically in tears. FML
Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML
Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML
Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML
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Top comments
skyeyez9 25
Wth is wrong with your dad?! That is a cruel thing to do
FrozenMusic 26
Suicide isn't something to joke about
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Comments (185)
stewpididiot 11
Fake your own ... Come back pregnant too .....
tayymeds 23
OP is male.
hplover32 19
as a person whose mom has stage 4 gallbladder cancer who was given 6 months this absolutely is a horrible thing to do to your child.
dustin007 15
Man UR parents seem pretty cool that's a messed up joke but funny at the same time. Good luck with the next joke
Gradask 10
Go into therapy and ask them to join you.
poppunkette 22
While suicide isn't funny gotta give your dad points on the commitment level
jademitch 20
That is a cruel thing to do, but a* for acting
Jenniesaurus 14
Wow your dad is an ass. Sorry, OP. That's an awful thing for him to do.
Scotty1973 10
Brilliant
ZigZAG1488 10
That is really messed up! My dad actually did try to take his own life and it was one of the worst days I can remember. I'm sorry OP. This is just cruel.
newyearstandup 13
Your Dad needs to grow up. That was a horrible immature thing to do. As a person personally touched by suicide I agree with and empathize with those on here who have also been touched by it in whatever way. I'm not even sure this should have been published by FML.