Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a gun on my dad's bedside table. I knew it wasn't real, so I picked it up and posed like a badass. Then I shot a hole in their bedroom TV, blew out my eardrums, and my mom flew in and started screaming at me. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, my dad went through all the trouble of sneaking onto my laptop and photoshopping a bong into my Facebook profile picture, apparently just so he could win a €20 bet with my mom, that hinged on her grounding me by December. FML
Today, my dad and I got into an argument, and he ended up calling me a son of a bitch. My mom heard and started arguing with him over him calling her a bitch. Three hours later, I'm now staying at my gran's house with my mom and hoping her threats of a divorce weren't for real. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, my distraught mom called me, saying my dad had killed himself and to come home right away. After cussing out my math teacher for trying to stop me and rushing back home in a taxi, I ran into the living room, only to find my parents laughing so hard they were practically in tears. FML
Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML
Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML
Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML
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Top comments
skyeyez9 25
Wth is wrong with your dad?! That is a cruel thing to do
FrozenMusic 26
Suicide isn't something to joke about
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Comments (185)
BlindlyWandering 17
I'm guessing you've never heard a real gunshot before. There is NO way speakers can replicate that sound and fool anyone who has heard one in real life. That being said, what a ****** up thing for your dad to do.
NamelessFace 22
Surround sound, my friend. Surround sound.
BlindlyWandering 17
No, can't happen. Its just not possible, the way the sound is produced by a speaker vs a real gun is COMPLETELY different.
SkullSphinx 10
You're dad is awesome!
EmazingMe 6
And the award goes too...not your Dad that was messed up
ShoyuSauceSoup 26
Sorry, but your dad sucks. Suicide is not the kind of thing that you can joke with.
bayweebear 14
your dad is a jerk. that's NOT funny. my cousin committed suicide by shooting herself.. not something to joke about.
Danielvera212 4
Dude your dad is awesome
SaturnCheese 5
As someone who is currently struggling with depression and wanting to commit suicide, your father is a complete ******* douchebag. Suicide is NOT something ANYONE should EVER joke about. I'm real sorry he pulled that shitty joke on you, I hope you're doing okay.
eerrun 8
gg
uhohitslisa2 20
That is not cool at all. Your dad is a dick. Hope you're okay though, OP.
Sparx1_1 16
This wasn't even a joke or meant to be a joke. OP said his dad did it to make him cry like a bitch - because his mom made a bet with him over it. Sorry OP but both your parents are ****** up beyond comprehension. What they did was sickening. I don't know what your life with them is like the rest of the time, but you need to sit your parents down and explain to them just how upsetting this was for you. Things like this are scarring and ruin relationships. It's already a guarantee that you will never trust or respect them the same way again - they have a lot to fix.