Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw a gun on my dad's bedside table. I knew it wasn't real, so I picked it up and posed like a badass. Then I shot a hole in their bedroom TV, blew out my eardrums, and my mom flew in and started screaming at me. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, my dad went through all the trouble of sneaking onto my laptop and photoshopping a bong into my Facebook profile picture, apparently just so he could win a €20 bet with my mom, that hinged on her grounding me by December. FML
Today, my dad and I got into an argument, and he ended up calling me a son of a bitch. My mom heard and started arguing with him over him calling her a bitch. Three hours later, I'm now staying at my gran's house with my mom and hoping her threats of a divorce weren't for real. FML
Today, my grandma reduced me to a sobbing wreck in two short sentences, just to win a bet against my mum. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, my distraught mom called me, saying my dad had killed himself and to come home right away. After cussing out my math teacher for trying to stop me and rushing back home in a taxi, I ran into the living room, only to find my parents laughing so hard they were practically in tears. FML
Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML
Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML
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Top comments
skyeyez9 25
Wth is wrong with your dad?! That is a cruel thing to do
FrozenMusic 26
Suicide isn't something to joke about
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Comments (185)
LyricaSilvan 30
That's horrible! What kind of sadist does that as a joke??
jeff_boles 12
How could you think that a sound effect was a real gun shot? However I can see that it might be confusing in such a strange situation.
Perry85 42
Props to your dad for going that extra mile to win a bet lol even I'm not that sadistic lol
redneck_96 14
That is really ****** up
Tyrax 16
That's just wrong. So very wrong.
ya_boy_jimmy1996 11
your parents are assholes