Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is." Orgasm gone. FML
Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me an amazing orgasm after a long dry spell. I moaned his name as I climaxed, and he replied, "What?" FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, at the point of orgasm, my boyfriend screamed out, "Is this all there is?!" then rolled over and stared blankly at the ceiling without speaking for ages. This happens a lot. FML
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Top comments
IntoTheClouds 42
That's ******* awesome haha
annalily5 28
Normally I'd be offended that a Lord of the Rings reference would turn you off, but no matter how awesome he is, Gollum and sex are thoughts that should never be mixed. Ever.
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Comments (131)
aJaguarinRed 9
One does not merely make Gollum references in bed...
laden_swallow09 35
I think you mean, "One does not simply…" I thumbed you up, anyway. :)
whyseeatall 4
Hilarious... Because that didn't happen to me. I think I'd break up with him only because I'd never be able to get that out of my mind while having sex.
Amajean 7
My ex did something similar to me. Except it was with the Joker's "Why so serious? "
happylawyer 16
And now he is the EX. See guys? Don't try it at home.
NagainaFier 16
But it's the mother ******' Joker! Come on, you can't go wrong with him!
Sir_Swaggington 6
What's with guys (not all guys) thinking girls are turned on by Lord of the Rings and Star Wars references? We're not! Outside of sex, it may be funny depending on the girl, but during sex it's just weird, creepy, and gross.
NagainaFier 16
Unless she's a fangirl. Just pointing that out... Then yeah, references in bed would be a good thing.
DJKAYREZZ 4
Your Boyfriend Is EPIC.!
viper_dlh04 1
I'd be giving him back "The Ring" back.
kalbrek009 20
Dispair?...more like disgust. Frankly, I'm surprised you didn't vomit all over him.
cutiepie292929 18
Withered away..is that necessary to say? Yuck!
PsychoBitch666 8
At least you both know who Gollum was. People tend to freak out a lot more if they don't.
183933 6
Bad timing for a joke, but funny as all hell.