Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is." Orgasm gone. FML
Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me an amazing orgasm after a long dry spell. I moaned his name as I climaxed, and he replied, "What?" FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, at the point of orgasm, my boyfriend screamed out, "Is this all there is?!" then rolled over and stared blankly at the ceiling without speaking for ages. This happens a lot. FML
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Top comments
IntoTheClouds 42
That's ******* awesome haha
annalily5 28
Normally I'd be offended that a Lord of the Rings reference would turn you off, but no matter how awesome he is, Gollum and sex are thoughts that should never be mixed. Ever.
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Comments (131)
chris_42 11
As long as he keeps the Dobby costume in the closet I think you can learn to deal with it.
MuldRAR 6
Your bf needs to learn there's a time and place for that kinda stuff... Your ****** is just as if not more important than his
DJAllen 6
Should of slap him.
laden_swallow09 35
*Should've
laurenvec 3
I would have busted up laughing if that had happened to me! Hilarious!
yoursucklives 36
t my boyfriend once said something funny to me while i came. i laughed hard, but my ****** was gone.
sugarshane007 20
One ****** to rule them all.
iSpasticFantasti 14
One ****** to find them.
redbluegreen 41
One ****** to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.
iSpasticFantasti 14
In the land of FML where the shadows lie.
BunBunBabe 8
I can see how that ruined the sex, but it shouldn't ruin your day
ICastillo 25
Well it looks like he is going to have to go on a quest to find that withered ******** now.
olpally 33
Nice username... Lol... This fml is going into my favorites...*favorited* this one has a terrible mental image though.... Holy ****.... Lmao.
Welshite 40
One of these days, your "." button will break, and the whole of the FML community will celebrate its demise. :P
olpally 33
Thanks... But I doubt that will happen!! Lol. Don't hate, appreciate :D
olpally 33
People need to get over it. Seriously.
laden_swallow09 35
No, you do. What's there to appreciate here in the first place? They're called an ellipses and you're not using them correctly at all.
olpally 33
93- instead of attacking me, thumb it down. Jeez. You must have no life to worry about how I use ellipses incorrectly. Good day to you.
CharresBarkrey 16
He's just giving some constructive criticism, 110. You seem to use them as a period, at the end of every sentence or phrase. It's just a bit much.
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
This sounds strangely familiar. Perhaps as a post not to long ago? Hmm...
savmut 8
That's something I would do to my gf lmfao