Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed, "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a Dementor. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML
Today, I was walking through town with my hood up and noticed people giving me funny looks. It wasn't until I got home that I realised the umbrella I was holding over my head had been closed the whole time. FML
Today, while I was walking home from work, it started to rain. Clutching my bag in one hand, I started to run so I wouldn't get too wet. I saw a man running towards me and all of a sudden he tackled me to the ground. He thought I had stolen someone's handbag. FML
Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML
Today, I walked to Starbucks. On the way a homeless guy asked me for change and I lied and said I had no money. On my way back, Strawberry Frappuccino in hand, the same guy recognized me. He followed me for 3 blocks, swearing and yelling at me. FML
Today, while walking down the street, I was violently beaten up by a man in a Darth Vader outfit. FML
Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML
Today, I was leaving a campus parking garage. Suddenly, a huge man appeared behind me and kept saying "HEY!" "STOP!" In a gruff voice. I picked up my pace and so did he. I finally turned to him with a can of mace and threatened to use it. He was trying to return the $5 bill I dropped. FML
Today, I went for a walk. When it started pouring, I ran under the nearest tree for protection. It didn't occur to me that it might look suspicious hiding under a stranger's tree in a black hoodie, until the cops showed up. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when a man behind me tapped me on the shoulder. He gave a $5 bill and said that he thought I had dropped it. Not having the integrity to turn him down, I took it. I spent the next 20 minutes being chased by a crazy hobo who claimed that it was his. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Rumbelle_fml 22
That's a clear violation of the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy, and I sincerely hope you reported him to the Ministry.
Gaga_is_God6969 13
LMFAO. I'm sorry....but that's kinda awesome, actually.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (101)
andrew6p 19
I guess this guy thinks he's the old version of Harry Potter :p
MidnaLink 35
Wow... just after 7am where I live and my day is already made.
lantu 5
He might share a FML story here if you turned back and scared him :))
MayMars 4
Forget how cool it was. The question is, did the spell work?
buddy51 23
OP- Was it raining balls? I understand that happens in Texas... Anyway, I hope you replied "Engorgio" and "Erecto"- He'll end up so distracted, erect and engorged that he won't be able to walk to chase you! You win at wizarding!!
Zen_Mei 17
Hahahaha thanks for sharing, you just made my day!!
cappellaaa 23
that's ******* hilarious. and not bad whatsoever, laugh it off
Vickyh46 8
Hahaha! Sounds like my sort of bum. Awesome man. :D
wvcheesehead1 9
Actually you probably look like the Unabomber.
lmbachman 23
And how does a homeless man get to watch Harry Potter??
Diesel_baby 18
Maybe he wasn't always homeless....
RedPillSucks 33
Just stand outside the local TV shop and watch. Especially during March Madness when all the basketball is on, you don't need to buy some big screen TV. Just bring a bag of popcorn and beer and watch on that 70" monstrosity they're demoing.
Jebitesevsi 11
There were books. One can read them in a place, called "library". Perhaps you've heard it.