Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML
Today, my dad is having his midlife crisis, bought a Mercedes, along with having a girlfriend less than half his age. I was trying to be supportive, until I found out he is funding his midlife crisis with my university loan. FML
Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding." This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML
Today, I counted the amount of stuff that my dad had bought within a week: a brand new boat, car, and truck. He also has countless gadgets at his office, including a 60" television. Our house is literally falling apart but Mr. Midlife-crisis won't do anything to help. FML
Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML
Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML
Today, it's the third day of my dad's revenge after he snapped over me supposedly using the word "duh" in every other sentence. He got his hands on my old recorder and has been playing it loudly and out of tune outside my room when I try to do my homework. My mom thinks this is hilarious. FML
Today, my dad screamed at me because I've been "spending too much money". He's been out of a job for 4 months and I've been giving him 300 dollars a month to help pay for bills... and his beer. FML
Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML
Today, my dad started his mid-life crisis. Instead of a Porsche or a Ferrari, he bought a tractor. Goodbye summer holiday. FML
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Top comments
christopherwilli 14
That's a pretty extreme midlife crisis.
maryic4ever 19
Once he sees how ****** up the younger generation is I bet he will go back to normal
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Comments (78)
scarlett3diaz 24
My dad spent my college fund on Asian hookers and now he's going to marry one.
annie_zoo 27
okay... uh wtf. haha, are you okay with that?
enginsteve 17
I wish I had a college fund to spend on Asian hookers
JebMcdeber 11
Yeah.. it must suck having a college fund to lose part of it. Join the rest of us poor motherfuckers who have to go into debt to get a degree. Apparently it "builds character". You'll appreciate it when you're older.
ThePandoricaOpen 18
Just because some people have. (or had, in OP's case), the chance to go to college debt-free, doesn't give you the right to upset about it, get over it.
JebMcdeber 11
No, you misunderstand my intention. My sarcasm isn't directed at his good luck, but at his indignation at losing it. Easy come easy go I say, and don't be a shit about it. And **** you. I have the right to feel any way about anything. I'm a god-damned American.
Kingsz 7
Rekt* get it right fagboy.
dianer7 12
Rekt**
TheDoctor10 28
Not to be "that guy," but what kind of car is it?
edmunson 22
Some peoples' midlife crisis is really an illness... Sounds like your dad may be mentally rekd!
Oblivion239 21
Its spelled rekted*
skyttlz 32
Rekt
olpally 33
SAVAGEEEE! Rawr! Lol. Oh god, he needs help.
MossyMegaMan 20
You just got roasted son
LtBrenton 16
DAMN SON WHERE'D YOU FIND THIS