Today, I counted the amount of stuff that my dad had bought within a week: a brand new boat, car, and truck. He also has countless gadgets at his office, including a 60" television. Our house is literally falling apart but Mr. Midlife-crisis won't do anything to help. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
Today, my dad started his mid-life crisis. Instead of a Porsche or a Ferrari, he bought a tractor. Goodbye summer holiday. FML
Today, my dad is having his midlife crisis, bought a Mercedes, along with having a girlfriend less than half his age. I was trying to be supportive, until I found out he is funding his midlife crisis with my university loan. FML
Today, my dad had a day off and was 'bored' so he decided to move our entire kitchen into our living room. We now have no running water, no oven that works and the entire house is a bombsite. He has an entire week off. FML
Today, in response to the guy whose son told him to fuck off for disturbing his one day off a week, my son spent literally his entire savings account for a deposit on a shitbox one bedroom house because he’s sick of his dad finding him things to do every ten minutes, and I don’t even blame him. FML
Today, my husband started his midlife crisis with a bang, or rather several bangs, as he admitted that there are two women out there pregnant with his babies. Oh, and he quit his job to escape the daily grind. Oh, and he remortgaged the house to buy a truck so we could go cross country. FML
Today, I was asked to stay at my parents' house for a week while my mom stays with my dying grandfather. Dad greeted me with a whole list of chores to do every day when I'm not at work, and won't even so much as let me use my laptop when I'm not busy. He does nothing but waste money on eBay all day and doesn't help. FML
Today, my dad got drunk and decided to fix everything in the house he thought was broken. Now the oven won't cook, half the floorboards from the stairs are piled in the garden, we put the TV back together but now it is stuck on mute, and we still have no idea where he has put my bedroom door. FML
Today, my dad is mad at me because I refused to buy a truck. An ugly old Isuzu with two flat tires and a missing headlight, and the owner said it needed a new transmission & brakes, but still wanted $8000. Apparently, without consulting me, Dad promised him I'd buy it as payment for guns he bought. Now he's in debt. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ThreeSheetsGone 12
Never stand between a man and his toys. Never.
TN9R 1
damn. you must be rich! he should buy a new house while hes at it.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (121)
ThreeSheetsGone 12
Never stand between a man and his toys. Never.
LiveLaughFML 10
you're the child of a cool cat. consider yourself accepted.
Iamnotmyself 17
-1 Speaking of which I'd also like to make the point, don't borrow Satan's lawnmower and not return it.
Deamoner 0
Live in the mans toys??
ThreeSheetsGone 12
He can have his lawnmower back when he puts the assless chaps on the right way and stops threatening to nibble on my soul.
HowAreYouToday 34
I'm a homunculus, I don't have that problem.
muffins650 1
Your dad seems like a cool guy. Quit your complaining OP.
IndiRae 9
I learn so many quality life lessons from you, Iamnotmyself. Thank you, sir. But on topic, OP should.... Yea I got nothing.
Iamnotmyself 17
-26 I'm glad I can be of assistance, I think I shall be an excellent father figure for people across the nation and myself.
Iamnotmyself 17
-28 Yes retards, I still find the need to father myself for some obscure reasons you may or may not find offensive/kinky.
Andrew1122 0
Sounds like #1 has some first hand experience.
Keyman1212 14
Well, your house may be falling apart, but you've got plenty of shit to play with too, assuming he's not the greedy type.
mickmac 0
The op should either get a house of his own, or if he has his own house, he shouldn't count on his daddy to fix everything for him
jizzwold 21
44 he could live with his mom 67 He is most likely a minor
bennyboy111 7
Haha I have a 65 inch 3D plasma tv with surround sound a d ps3 connected letting me play 3D call of duty and other games & movies My dad is currently going through his mid life crisis We are snowboarding at least once every two weeks plus we are going to New Zealand to snowboard and watch the Rugby World Cup as well as sightseeing He has recently bought two 4WD's which we use to go camping and off roading in tough terrain & a snooker table We have 7 functional tv's in our house
ThreeSheetsGone 12
98- Thats cool. Want a cookie?
Iheartfunny 1
14- aww crap does that mean bad things will hapoen if i dont give death his weedwhacker and latex cat woman suit. *sigh* what a night
wawa_sxm 15
Yuup OP father worked hard for that money he can spend it as he wish, and if you are under age then as long as you have a roof over your head and food on the table he has done his duty
TN9R 1
damn. you must be rich! he should buy a new house while hes at it.
NoobHat 6
Or their credit cards must be maxed out.
TN9R 1
i dont think their bank would give them all three loans at once. and i dont see how my comment is negitive..
Brool_Story_Co 17
Maybe because you can't spell negative
TN9R 1
this is me caring about being a grammar nazi on my iphone.
KennKenn 0
13- You saw the future, cause all it got were thumb downs.
wmsdubstep 6
Wow. I'd love to be your dad's best friend!
highlandrabbit 1
-13 Your comment isnt negative. And -55 ur a deuche bag
Brool_Story_Co 17
If you're going to call me a douche, at least spell it properly
highlandrabbit 1
Dude, **** off you have the gayest comebacks, and no one gives a damn about spelling. (And yes I know I am using gay out of context).
highlandrabbit 1
Geuss what Brool Story Co. your a ******* dick weed? But Im sure your so called friends have already told you that.
highlandrabbit 1
Brool Story Co. u sound so gay. haha. And if you have the mental capacity to read this far. haha what a prick. haha. i wonder how many girls u get. But u probably get more guys.
highlandrabbit2 2
Brool Story Co. You are an asshole. You are a prick and a man *****. You are probably a tranny. Go to ******* hell. Douche bag. I will kick your ass any day any week.You ******.
LunaaBluee 27
He's most likely in some massive debt.
highlandrabbit 1
U must really be able to smell the bankcruptcy.
TheRealHouse 7
Quit your bitching.. Get a job..
Brool_Story_Co 17
Please don't spell "you" like that. BTW It's bankruptcy not bankcruptcy.
highlandrabbit 1
BTW. Why r u trying to get rid of the idiots on FML. Thats one of the dimbest things ive ever heard
Brool_Story_Co 17
I think you just answered your own question with that comment
highlandrabbit 1
Its called a typo.
Awahso 25
Just sell it at a higher price=profit
PrickHead 0
no ....way! :O
freakinglaugher 10
I learn so much from FML comments. Who needs collage when there's the internetz?
mbrooks5110 0
Get your own place then...
everybodyluvsMEN 0
He's probably under 18, ******* idiot
TN9R 1
where does it say he is under 18? some people stay longer into their 20's.
IndiRae 9
Damn dude. Chill out.
everybodyluvsMEN 0
Let's say the average midlife crisis is around 40-45. You saying that most men have all their kids in their early 20s? Don't think so. I did consider that stuff, that's why my comment makes sense.
kookookatchu 0
iii agree
TheDarkCynder 2
My mom was 47 when she has me...
moonmoon 5
Where does it say they’re not living on their own?
rj33445 4
Nice. Thats y its called midlife crisis
Weirdo007 0
damn.....FYL OP my dad is doing the exact same thing........
krysxkatastrophe 14
Maybe he'll buy something to put it all back together and make everyone happy. Can anyone say "Hawaii?"
CertifiedCreeper 2
Hawaii
prince122 0
CHINNNAAA!!
DillonUSMC 0
Hawaii sucks, it's nice to visit, not live. Trust me.
RyNo24 4
Uh, isn't that HIS money, and HIS decision on what to spend it on?
everybodyluvsMEN 0
Yeah, I think it's his DEBT, not his money
thewife5 19
Not when a man makes a commitment to be married and or have kids to support., then house, food, bills come first. It's called responsibility
CatEyes66 0
Not if he has a family then it's not just his money it's his family's money too. He should of stayed single if he wanted it to be just his money.
highlandrabbit 1
good point
caligirl1623 5
The mom must work too... Sexist.
elmogoezRAWR 0
It's also HIS family and HIS responsibility if OP's mom doesn't work (it didn't say)
deathpotato 11
68- how did you get that from anything previously said?
ohmandapants 17
Even if the mom DOES work, a lot of families can't support themselves on one income. In this case she would be the sole income because daddy dearest is spending himself into a hole and being a selfish prick.
claudia19801811 14
Yea but not everyone's parents BOTH work my mum only started last year!
alpaquette91 9
Could you ask him if he would buy me a car?