Today, my dad started his mid-life crisis. Instead of a Porsche or a Ferrari, he bought a tractor. Goodbye summer holiday. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad is having his midlife crisis, bought a Mercedes, along with having a girlfriend less than half his age. I was trying to be supportive, until I found out he is funding his midlife crisis with my university loan. FML
Today, my father bought a riding lawn mower. We don't have a lawn. FML
Today, I counted the amount of stuff that my dad had bought within a week: a brand new boat, car, and truck. He also has countless gadgets at his office, including a 60" television. Our house is literally falling apart but Mr. Midlife-crisis won't do anything to help. FML
Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML
Today, my dad is too old to drive, period, and yet while I was at work my wife thought it was a good idea to let him try her new Mercedes, which by the way I bought and insured. He used the accelerator like he was driving a shitbox Nissan and destroyed our local kebab shop's big front window and door. FML
Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
Today, my husband started his midlife crisis with a bang, or rather several bangs, as he admitted that there are two women out there pregnant with his babies. Oh, and he quit his job to escape the daily grind. Oh, and he remortgaged the house to buy a truck so we could go cross country. FML
Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML
Today, six days before I turn 18, my mom totaled her nice BMW. She had promised it to me as a birthday present. My step-dad is giving me his old rusty truck instead, so now I can look like a hick. FML
Today, my father went out to get batteries for the remote control helicopter I bought him for Christmas. In his excitement, he backed his truck into my car. FML
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Top comments
tony1891 22
a tractor? doesn't sound like mid life crisis to me. sounds like he's starting a farm. all you need now is some animals.
stevenmx86 8
I don't understand why this is so bad? So it's not a bad ass car.. Tractors hold value better anyway.
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Comments (126)
Mikeskinner 7
Oh bro, I am so sorry.
wallandpiece 16
I'd rather have a tractor than a Porsche or a Ferrari.
boofgall 16
Right bro? It sucks! But seriously though, stop with the bro comments, it's so old now. Doesn't anybody pay attention when other commenters say that?
Crazynopantsman 11
How is bro annoying? Oh, I forgot this is FML where you suffer the wrath of people
biggestfan23 11
A tractor is something that a redneck would buy just for kicks
ShyAnn29 15
Tractors are cool, especially John Deer tractors!
boofgall 16
21- It's annoying when it's overused. Which is is on nearly every FML. Not to mention everywhere else too.
Megan98 18
That sounds like something my dad would do... -_-
amandajlucas2015 2
Ummm no y don't u shut up unless u know Wut ur talkin about.. U buy a tractor to help u w ur work not just to ride around dumbass
Llamacod 11
hey amanda, how exactly does one "...ride around on dumbass"? is that some kind of new, man made material for roads? I could see how that works: contractor "I'm so glad you called me to pave your driveway, what would you like: pea gravel, cement, blacktop or we have this new material called dumbass and its great."
mannykatany 9
You mad bro?
skoob1 12
I'm not defending anything, but I have a full sized tractor for like 3-4 acres of land. I guess people just like to keep up with the Jones'
wallandpiece 16
In my opinion, the best cars are old fashioned ones. Cadillacs, Chevrolets etc. I can't take modern 'supercars' seriously because Michael Bay exists. For this reason, I'd rather own a tractor than a Porsche or a Ferrari. But I'd rather own a Plymouth Roadrunner or a '71 Impala than a tractor.
onlychildFTW 34
Modern super cars a very nice. But a Porsche and a Ferrari are not super cars. Bugatti Veyron is as well as the SLR Mclaren as 2 examples.
wallandpiece 16
You missed the point.
pexy_fml 16
The poor guy even did a research
LMFAOallthetime 8
I'm sorry, that sucks! at least he ain't obsessed over cars.....
bmwguy01 8
what's wrong with being obsessed with cars??????
RacistPancake 6
Does your mom think his tractor's sexy?
nonnieluv 9
Um I think cars are better to obsess about I mean if my dad went through a mid-life crisis and bought a camaro he would never see it again. Miiiiinnnnnneeeeee
max_wilder 9
It's his money.
awagh666 14
Awesome bro. Now help him soup it up. Have a super summer.
MrSassypants 34
Tractors run on soup?
1710_fml 0
Holy **** that's funny no he means make it faster by soup it up
xxmel 6
Make a new reality show out of it, Pimp my Tractor.
Killuhk 8
Tractor pulls are always fun :)
siickman 7
Idk what tractors you have been riding 66 but i dont see the "fun" in tractor pulls. What do those things top at anyways? Lol 20mph?
stevenmx86 8
I don't understand why this is so bad? So it's not a bad ass car.. Tractors hold value better anyway.
bmwguy01 8
it could be a Lamborghini tractor but I doubt it because they cost so much!
randii_17 11
I think op is implying that he will be expected to help farm during his summer holidays. Hence the tractor.
tygerarmy 35
I don't think it's too bad either. At least he's not referring to himself as "Memnoch of Pleiades" now.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
The ladies love my tractor. And Hank Hill. He loves it the most.
bling87 0
Tractors help feed the world! Without modern technology we would not have enough food to feed our growing population!
_ebbonyy 11
Spend your holidays borrowing his tractor to pick up boys/girls literally instead! I'm sure you'll have just as much fun. :)
tony1891 22
a tractor? doesn't sound like mid life crisis to me. sounds like he's starting a farm. all you need now is some animals.
zachherbert 10
Your picture is disturbing....
Llamacod 11
or through a drive-thru for that matter
tony1891 22
my picture is disturbing? you`re the one killed bambi lol
skittihorse 8
You'd look like a boss driving it down the highway! But then again, you'd probably get arrested, so nevermind.
bmwguy01 8
No he wouldn't get arrested it is not illegal to drive farm equipment on the road!
Queen_Cosmos 7
15- But he didn't say road, he said highway. The place where you drive 100 km/h... I'm pretty sure that would be illegal.
skittihorse 8
28- *She :D
Queen_Cosmos 7
Oh, sorry Skittihorse (82). I was looking at your picture, my bad.
Megan98 18
We drive our RTV and tractors down the highway legally, because we have an orange sign in the shape of a triangle on the back of them.
bmwguy01 8
51& 96 thank you I should of mentioned the orange triangle
smydiwannafthata 5
Ah, Ferrari or Porsche are too mainstream. He is the true hipster.
perdix 31
Hey, it worked great for the dude on "Green Acres!" He got a tractor and was nailing a hot blonde out in the country. Let's see a ******' tiny sports car do that for you!
perdix 31
You're not going to make me sing, are you? *clears throat* Green Acres is the place for me Farm livin' is the life for me Land spreadin' out so far and wide Keep Manhattan, just give me that countryside. Take it...
XTheDesertSongX 17
Perdix, what happened to you? You used to be the best commenter!
alycion 39
Great now you got that stupid song stuck in my head.
XTheDesertSongX 17
Ah, nevermind. It was taking me forever to realize your comment. I thought what you were saying made no sense. Sorry, that's what finals do to you, though.
perdix 31
#61, sorry about that. Just sing "The Ballad of Jed Clampett" a few hundred times and that will in-stick the "Green Acres" theme. YWIA Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named Jed...
eggmarie 25
At least its a new tractor and not a new wife.
1710_fml 0
Agreed