Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my father told me to "go get a job." He has been unemployed for three years. FML
Today, my dad screamed at me because I've been "spending too much money". He's been out of a job for 4 months and I've been giving him 300 dollars a month to help pay for bills... and his beer. FML
Today, after my dad got frustrated at me last month for not having a job and completely taking over my job searching, claiming it’s not that hard and he’d show me how it’s done. Since then, not one company has called or emailed him back and he doesn’t know why. Welcome to job searching in 2024, Dad. FML
Today, I asked my dad to please shave his awful beard, because I'm a laughing-stock at school for being picked up each day by a guy whose face looks like Bigfoot's ass. He agreed, and 10 minutes later was sporting a pedo-stache. It's going to be a long year. FML
Today, I was conned out of £50,000 by my own father, who everyone thought had been dead for 3 years. FML
Today, I decided to buy a meal for a homeless man who was being shunned at an intersection. When I went to hand it to him, I realized it was my dad, wearing a tattered old shirt and pretending to be homeless to make some money. FML
Today, after I spent 3 months growing my beard and hair so I could go for the Viking look, my mom told me I look almost eerily identical to the registered sex offender who lives 2 streets away. Out come the clippers, I’m going full bald. Three months wasted FML
Today, being jobless and all, I tried calling my dad for a job after my many years of pride. He invited me to an interview to compete against 10 people, probably more qualified than I am. FML
Today, my father has been unemployed for 8 of my parents' 25 years of marriage, and my mom still supports him. I've been unemployed for three months and my mom is kicking me out. The difference is, I'm actually applying places. He just plays video games. FML
Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Just wait until he starts selling bottles of water and claiming it's wine. That's really when the money will start flowing.
gjikvtj 18
"Laughed so hard my sombrero fell off and I dropped my taco" for those out of middle school
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Comments (100)
PoisonOrchid 21
Tell your dad to get a TV show on the local religious television...he'd make more money with half the effort.
annarcheer 19
Omg I saw him
ostfaiz 18
At this moment where you are unemployed you should start backing up your dad, he is turning out to be an entrepreneur!!! Religious offerings are the biggest money business these days.
VengeanceChicken 12
Ugh, the comments! Quit bitching, not every religious person is a hopeless idiot.
ryanator008 23
Plot Twist: He's telling the truth.
VoodooPriestess 16
Maybe people think he's mentally ill and give him pity money.
ArashiGirl 13
What is with dad's and facial hair? Mine glued his handlebar mustache with Gorilla Glue.
tigrouficele2012 44
Dress up as the Virgin Mary and try the same thing. Maybe you'll get cash too!
tonyfan00 38
That's hilarious how stupid people are! But if people are this freaking stupid that might men they're too stupid to see your potential at a job. I'm really sorry man.
MLardinos 14
Good news is you can pay your bills. Bad news is your dad's going to hell.