Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my father told me to "go get a job." He has been unemployed for three years. FML
Today, my dad screamed at me because I've been "spending too much money". He's been out of a job for 4 months and I've been giving him 300 dollars a month to help pay for bills... and his beer. FML
Today, after my dad got frustrated at me last month for not having a job and completely taking over my job searching, claiming it’s not that hard and he’d show me how it’s done. Since then, not one company has called or emailed him back and he doesn’t know why. Welcome to job searching in 2024, Dad. FML
Today, I asked my dad to please shave his awful beard, because I'm a laughing-stock at school for being picked up each day by a guy whose face looks like Bigfoot's ass. He agreed, and 10 minutes later was sporting a pedo-stache. It's going to be a long year. FML
Today, I was conned out of £50,000 by my own father, who everyone thought had been dead for 3 years. FML
Today, I decided to buy a meal for a homeless man who was being shunned at an intersection. When I went to hand it to him, I realized it was my dad, wearing a tattered old shirt and pretending to be homeless to make some money. FML
Today, after I spent 3 months growing my beard and hair so I could go for the Viking look, my mom told me I look almost eerily identical to the registered sex offender who lives 2 streets away. Out come the clippers, I’m going full bald. Three months wasted FML
Today, being jobless and all, I tried calling my dad for a job after my many years of pride. He invited me to an interview to compete against 10 people, probably more qualified than I am. FML
Today, my father has been unemployed for 8 of my parents' 25 years of marriage, and my mom still supports him. I've been unemployed for three months and my mom is kicking me out. The difference is, I'm actually applying places. He just plays video games. FML
Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Just wait until he starts selling bottles of water and claiming it's wine. That's really when the money will start flowing.
gjikvtj 18
"Laughed so hard my sombrero fell off and I dropped my taco" for those out of middle school
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Comments (100)
idkwht2put 5
Dang OP I feel your pain
GodPart2 20
Screw the pain... join in OP, double the moolah coming in... You could be his "disciple" or the "Grandson of God"
King_Nero 15
19- nah, he should dress as the devil and they can put on a full show. That will really pull in money.
ArashiGirl 13
You had one job as first comment. One ******* job.
DeathcoreDashie 11
He doesn't know what to put.
Welshite 40
Just wait until he starts selling bottles of water and claiming it's wine. That's really when the money will start flowing.
Nyx7 24
Na, holy water
brivielle 15
funniest fml i've read in a while!!! Made my day.
superwolf33 15
People are so gullible sorry op
Vagitarian1 10
Gullible idiots is right on the money.
RedPillSucks 33
Sometimes a fool deserves to be parted from their money
girI 20
Gullible sure, but isn't that kind of pushing it? Unless they were kids I find it kind of hard to imagine...
jarrettd 27
Sometimes you just gotta blaspheme to get some change.
Erto 17
LSHMSFOAIDMT your dad is a legend.
gjikvtj 18
"Laughed so hard my sombrero fell off and I dropped my taco" for those out of middle school
CobraLazerFace 21
That's both dumb AND racist, just like Donald Trump!
cjwayy 22
It's not necessarily racist, it's just implementing a stereotype. Doesn't make it any better, though.
gabyh94 14
And I bet the taco people thing of are those lame crunchy ones
HersheySquirts 17
I believe #17 was very professional.
dragonkisses28 25
Thank you #17. As a Hispanic, I am not offended. Actually, I laughed.
GrinchFu1 27
He's one step away from starting a cult. Good for him!
Aiden Stubblefield 9
the catholics beat him to it.
living_in_chaos 8
Your dad is a genius in a world of fools
GentlemanBastard 15
#8 exactly. Not that it's "right", it's just nothing that hasn't been done on a multi-billion dollar scale.
PoisonOrchid 21
Wrong comment #49. Go home, you're drunk.
WaxenSecrets 5
I'm still drawing issue from the fact that he's using God as a tool to trick people for his own benefit. Be warned: if such a place as hell could exist, he'd be among the first in line to go there, along with all the others abusing religion and faith in the same way. And for what? A quick buck? Go make yourself an honest dollar, OP. Leave the Holy spirits out of this, literally for the love of God. You can't be out of a job forever and I'm sure something will come your way.
vairyhagina 11
#76 your first sentence basically wraps up religion.
Dave_Davington 34
Your dad's doing nothing wrong. Bilking money out of gullible morons is the reason religion exists in the first place.
mrwilsong 6
Atheist fag
xxrogerthatxx 19
you're wrong, get saved.
chosha_fml 27
#8 He's absolutely doing something wrong. As are all those religions.
bahamit 18
I completely agree with number 8, he's just hopped on the bandwagon of one of the largest industries in the world, wish I'd thought of it first lol
Brandi_Faith 34
Well that's pretty rude and ignorant 8. I don't think it's fair for you to judge "all religions" like that. Yes, of course there are some like that, but I believe you would find that to be a very small percentage. Most religions and churches actually believe in something and there's no reason to make fun of someone for their beliefs. :)
LalaDee561 8
Yes, religions (im not saying every single one, but I am saying most) do steal money from people and they control people, but a religion isn't what he's going to answer to. This is very wrong, and some day he will have to answer to someone who has nothing to do with religion, but who is very real, even if we believe it or not. I hope he stops cuz he might be doing this for a laugh to trick some gullible suckers, but he has no idea just how bad what he's doing really is.
munchie_omnom 10
Jesus christ!
thefmlman2011 37
literally
CobraLazerFace 21
Except not, because he's not the big JC back from the dead.
kmaheynoway 25
I think you missed the joke...
njgohard 16
Nicely done, OP's dad