Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my father told me to "go get a job." He has been unemployed for three years. FML
Today, my dad screamed at me because I've been "spending too much money". He's been out of a job for 4 months and I've been giving him 300 dollars a month to help pay for bills... and his beer. FML
Today, after my dad got frustrated at me last month for not having a job and completely taking over my job searching, claiming it’s not that hard and he’d show me how it’s done. Since then, not one company has called or emailed him back and he doesn’t know why. Welcome to job searching in 2024, Dad. FML
Today, I asked my dad to please shave his awful beard, because I'm a laughing-stock at school for being picked up each day by a guy whose face looks like Bigfoot's ass. He agreed, and 10 minutes later was sporting a pedo-stache. It's going to be a long year. FML
Today, I was conned out of £50,000 by my own father, who everyone thought had been dead for 3 years. FML
Today, I decided to buy a meal for a homeless man who was being shunned at an intersection. When I went to hand it to him, I realized it was my dad, wearing a tattered old shirt and pretending to be homeless to make some money. FML
Today, after I spent 3 months growing my beard and hair so I could go for the Viking look, my mom told me I look almost eerily identical to the registered sex offender who lives 2 streets away. Out come the clippers, I’m going full bald. Three months wasted FML
Today, being jobless and all, I tried calling my dad for a job after my many years of pride. He invited me to an interview to compete against 10 people, probably more qualified than I am. FML
Today, my father has been unemployed for 8 of my parents' 25 years of marriage, and my mom still supports him. I've been unemployed for three months and my mom is kicking me out. The difference is, I'm actually applying places. He just plays video games. FML
Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Just wait until he starts selling bottles of water and claiming it's wine. That's really when the money will start flowing.
gjikvtj 18
"Laughed so hard my sombrero fell off and I dropped my taco" for those out of middle school
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Comments (100)
bals4444 3
Wow what a piece of shit father
references_fml 2
"Guys, guess what?? I met Jesus today!!" "Oh really, what'd he say?!" "he said, 'I sacrificed myself for you, but it turns out now I need 20 bucks.'" "Don't worry, $20 will mean nothing when I get my money from that Nigerian prince who emailed me."
CinderBrick 13
'merica
trendkilla254 4
I always wonder how much those "bums" make.
ThinkF4LL65 3
what does op mean
kelseysking 26
It means original poster
cece23_fml 10
Holy son of god you gotta admire his entrepreneur skills!
amisenho 11
Ugh, of course, this had to happen in Texas...
reaxion 25
Ah, fraud. Don't you just love it?
Soloras_fml 6
I have an unemployed and freshly-shaven fiancé... I think it's time to throw out his razor...
Octosauce 8
This is why religion is stupid.
0o0o0 9
They donated out of pity for the crazy guy.