Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my father told me to "go get a job." He has been unemployed for three years. FML
Today, my dad screamed at me because I've been "spending too much money". He's been out of a job for 4 months and I've been giving him 300 dollars a month to help pay for bills... and his beer. FML
Today, after my dad got frustrated at me last month for not having a job and completely taking over my job searching, claiming it’s not that hard and he’d show me how it’s done. Since then, not one company has called or emailed him back and he doesn’t know why. Welcome to job searching in 2024, Dad. FML
Today, I asked my dad to please shave his awful beard, because I'm a laughing-stock at school for being picked up each day by a guy whose face looks like Bigfoot's ass. He agreed, and 10 minutes later was sporting a pedo-stache. It's going to be a long year. FML
Today, I was conned out of £50,000 by my own father, who everyone thought had been dead for 3 years. FML
Today, I decided to buy a meal for a homeless man who was being shunned at an intersection. When I went to hand it to him, I realized it was my dad, wearing a tattered old shirt and pretending to be homeless to make some money. FML
Today, after I spent 3 months growing my beard and hair so I could go for the Viking look, my mom told me I look almost eerily identical to the registered sex offender who lives 2 streets away. Out come the clippers, I’m going full bald. Three months wasted FML
Today, being jobless and all, I tried calling my dad for a job after my many years of pride. He invited me to an interview to compete against 10 people, probably more qualified than I am. FML
Today, my father has been unemployed for 8 of my parents' 25 years of marriage, and my mom still supports him. I've been unemployed for three months and my mom is kicking me out. The difference is, I'm actually applying places. He just plays video games. FML
Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Welshite 40
Just wait until he starts selling bottles of water and claiming it's wine. That's really when the money will start flowing.
gjikvtj 18
"Laughed so hard my sombrero fell off and I dropped my taco" for those out of middle school
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (100)
MFcoffee 12
Pretty sure this is extortion, so don't worry, he's bound to do this to an off-duty cop and get arrested one day, besides, they probably (hopefully?) give him money out of pity than belief. Bums actually make a decent amount of money just from bluntly asking people for money.
Martnikk 15
Hey you are from the US the way you get money there doesn't matter as long as you get it.
alandrea 9
Sorry to say but your dad is a terrible person
sillysoso 1
Wait....he wasent jesus?
Rayth 19
Its situations like this that make me lose all faith in mankind.
gabbywalliscool 5
WWJD
Becs0278 26
I thought to myself "There can't possibly be that many gullible and naive christians in a town." Then I saw you come from Texas. Point taken!
joselgarciac 9
Hey, if it works is not stupid...
bravesgirl55 11
Wow he sounds like a huge douche!
Isa_fml 20
People are giving him money because it's funny. They probably do not actually believe that he's Jesus Christ. You are a moron.