Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my father told me to "go get a job." He has been unemployed for three years. FML
Today, my dad screamed at me because I've been "spending too much money". He's been out of a job for 4 months and I've been giving him 300 dollars a month to help pay for bills... and his beer. FML
Today, after my dad got frustrated at me last month for not having a job and completely taking over my job searching, claiming it’s not that hard and he’d show me how it’s done. Since then, not one company has called or emailed him back and he doesn’t know why. Welcome to job searching in 2024, Dad. FML
Today, I asked my dad to please shave his awful beard, because I'm a laughing-stock at school for being picked up each day by a guy whose face looks like Bigfoot's ass. He agreed, and 10 minutes later was sporting a pedo-stache. It's going to be a long year. FML
Today, I was conned out of £50,000 by my own father, who everyone thought had been dead for 3 years. FML
Today, I decided to buy a meal for a homeless man who was being shunned at an intersection. When I went to hand it to him, I realized it was my dad, wearing a tattered old shirt and pretending to be homeless to make some money. FML
Today, after I spent 3 months growing my beard and hair so I could go for the Viking look, my mom told me I look almost eerily identical to the registered sex offender who lives 2 streets away. Out come the clippers, I’m going full bald. Three months wasted FML
Today, being jobless and all, I tried calling my dad for a job after my many years of pride. He invited me to an interview to compete against 10 people, probably more qualified than I am. FML
Today, my father has been unemployed for 8 of my parents' 25 years of marriage, and my mom still supports him. I've been unemployed for three months and my mom is kicking me out. The difference is, I'm actually applying places. He just plays video games. FML
Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Just wait until he starts selling bottles of water and claiming it's wine. That's really when the money will start flowing.
gjikvtj 18
"Laughed so hard my sombrero fell off and I dropped my taco" for those out of middle school
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Comments (100)
Liamj774 36
Next thing you know, you realize that he's photoshopping himself walking on water
AFaye3964 17
Soo your grandfather is god?
blueblu97 16
Grow your own beard out and try it for yourself!
thefmlman2011 37
I feel you pain in trying and failing to getting a job aswell. It sucks. I've been trying since I graduated high school in November.
PoisonOrchid 21
Who the **** graduates in November?
Jjtacos 5
is anyone going to address, Why you haven't been able to find a job in 2 years? PS, that's horrible,claiming to be Jesus, then asking money for it. I'd hate to be your Dad on judgement day
GentlemanBastard 15
I'd hate to be someone naive enough to believe there is going to be a "Judgment Day"
VengeanceChicken 12
I hate communism, what's your point?
smokecloud_ 37
53, I'd hate to be someone so disprespectful of others' beliefs. You give atheists/agnostics like me a bad name, just like the bible thumpers give Christians a bad name.
Brandi_Faith 34
I think calling people "naive" for their belief is extremely rude. I understand that you don't believe in it 53, but there's no reason to call others names because they do.
buckdharma 38
Before I make any irrational decisions, I have to ask myself, what would op's daddy do?
worldclassrager 41
Well maybe you can hold a cardboard sign and then compare profit?
londonguy 7
America is full of idiots
skyeyez9 25
You can join him and claim you're John the Baptist.
bondage01 2
You've been trying to find work for TWO years and can't? ******* idiot