Today, I was wrapping presents for my daughter, trying to be really quiet. Behind me, the cat decided to climb the tree, which then fell on top of me and I couldn't move. My daughter had to help me up. She now knows everything she's getting for Christmas this year. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, to try to have a less depressing Christmas, I've put up a small tree in my apartment and wrapped some presents for myself. I woke from a nap to the sound of my cat vomiting. What did she throw up on? The presents. FML
Today, my family and I were decorating the Christmas tree. It seemed a bit unstable, but we decorated it without any problems. Later, while my daughter sat by the tree, it began to fall. Her grandmother stopped the tree from hitting her. I, on the other hand, screamed like a little girl. I'm a 38 year-old guy. FML
Today, my kid jumped from the couch into our Christmas tree. As she literally slid down the entire tree, it was like it was happening in slow motion. I was laughing so hard, I peed myself, so I had to clean up decorations and my own piss. FML
Today, we spent hours decorating the Christmas tree, perfectly balancing the lights, ornaments, and tinsel. Ten minutes later, the cat thought it was a right time to reenact Die Hard and climbed up the tree, knocking it over. Now my ornaments are shattered, and my cat is smugly sitting in the wreckage. FML
Today, my husband rescued our daughter's cat from a tree. She spent the next hour clapping and telling me how much of a hero he was. Last night at 2 a.m., I was awoken by meowing and had to rescue the same cat from the same tree, in the dark, and halfway down he shit on me. No one called me a hero. FML
Today, my cat had the greatest idea ever: hide inside our Christmas tree and attack anyone who walks past. It would have come as extremely funny to me if I hadn't been her first victim. FML
Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunderstorm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML
Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to get my cat out of our seven-foot Christmas tree. Once he was done, he tore about the house and broke the nativity scene, beheading baby Jesus and a wise man in the process. The tree is fucked. FML
Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML
Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML
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Top comments
RevengeIsSweet 11
This close to the actual holiday, I don't think it matters much.
xlord 27
Wow. I find it amazing how you would know that this exact same thing would happen if you owned a cat.
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Comments (66)
bredahl 26
This is why I don't own a cat.
xlord 27
Wow. I find it amazing how you would know that this exact same thing would happen if you owned a cat.
zandalee 20
Don't be hating the cat community.
Nekogami 14
I'd like to think I speak for all cat owners when I give you the finger. Cats = great. You = not so much.
zandalee 20
Here here! I mean meow meow..
xlord 27
Haha I love how all 3 of us have cat pictures and are defending cats so fervently.
Enslaved 38
It was a must that I joined this cat picture lineup.
LaPush_ 7
Stupid people
xlord 27
@27- hush you, or I shall take an extra large stinky poo in the litter box and smile as you pick it up!!!!
cool_story_bro14 4
So many cats as profile pictures in these reply comments...
SomeDeadRabbits 8
Um. I'm a cat too... Uh. Meow?
TML329 14
Aww I don't have a cat profile pic,I feel so uncool now :(
Nekogami 14
Lol! Should've checked back sooner. Ahaha.
Thursday737 7
did somebody say cat picture thread?
DanielleinDC 34
It's why I don't put up a tree. That and I live in a tiny apartment.
RevengeIsSweet 11
This close to the actual holiday, I don't think it matters much.
coldhated 7
Well it can be an early Christmas , worse could have happend.
happle 21
I don't see why OP would wrap presents so close to the Christmas tree. Nothing would have happened if she was somewhere else.
cheezepoof2002 4
hiding in the living room to wrap presents? you have no kids and you are a crazy cat lady, don't lie.
CharresBarkrey 16
The FML clearly says OP has a daughter... Did you even read it?
RecklessLove 18
Clearly, you didn't get what they were saying.
cheezepoof2002 4
clearly you two dips hits are the ones who don't get it.
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
Well, now you wont have to hear the legendary Christmas -urprise scream of children.
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
*Surprise
TML329 14
Oh crap the children are uprising we're all doomed
ALlamaOnFire 20
What is your username about missy! Christmas doesn't suck! BLASPHEMY
michael666 7
i hate you.
zandalee 20
Well I hope you have a wonderful Christmas anyway. Merry Xmas everyone on FML! Xxxxxoxox
TheDrifter 24
New Years resolution "Buy a better tree stand". Or put the cat on a diet, whatever works for you.
zandalee 20
Not all of us ******* want to be skinny. Don't be all judging up a ******* grill. Merry Xmas!!
thefatman38 4
Or lift a few weights to move from under a tree
suboy 10
You can never go wrong with gift bags. Pop in the gift with some tissue and Voila. Couldve had them ready and been away from the tree.
pjmommy 9
its great that you're worried about ruining her surprise and not getting hurt