Today, it's my 18th birthday. I called my parents and they told me that they found weed in the guest house, so they called my boarding school to drug test me. It wasn't my weed. They didn't even say, "Happy Birthday." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home to my parents holding my marijuana. They told me that I had the stupidest hiding place ever, and that I was, "not only a pothead, but a dumbfuck pothead." FML
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, I found out that the only reason my parents have been letting me hang out with my friends so late is so they can search my room for drugs. FML
Today, it's my 16th birthday. My parents forgot about it, and planned a weekend out of town. I was alone on my birthday. FML
Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML
Today, I called the campus police "anonymously" while my roommate was away and told them about her weed stash because I was tired of her smoking in our room all the time. She had taken her weed to a friend's and got off scot-free. I have a hearing Monday for the Adderall they found in my desk. FML
Today, my parents grounded me for finding their stash of weed. The irony is killing me right now. FML
Today, after arriving, I was told that there will be mandatory drug tests for everybody at my work. Yesterday, I did joints at a friend's party, as it was her birthday. I'm fucked. FML
Today, my mother went through my bag and found what she thought was rolling papers. I was yelled at and called a stupid pothead with no future. They were facial blotting papers. FML
Today, my 15 year-old sister came home at 4 a.m. totally stoned. My parents treated her really nicely and woke me up. I'm now grounded until I go college for being a bad influence. I volunteer at schools to talk about drug abuse. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DeeJayD 0
Wait a minute. You're at boarding school. It was in the guest house. What's wrong with this picture? Your parents are either just assholes, or phenomenally stupid.
dudewithface 0
happy birthday :)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (92)
australiaaaa 0
#19, maybe he was calling to arrange plans for his birthday or something. not necessarily trying to get birthday wishes.
ellebell 0
one day you'll be able to hold this against them :)
Vehicle 1
Happy Birthday! That *completely*, *completely*, sucks!!!
Fails_at_life 0
there is a reason you're in boarding school. YDI ya **** up, i don't blame the parents
jules96_fml 0
they sound like my awful parents! oh btw Happy Birthday :/
shaBAMalex 0
Since when is calling your parents on your birthday "fishing for compliments"? Maybe he/she wanted to talk to them, or make plans, like #21 said. The author never said he was calling them just to get them to wish him a happy birthday. :P
Domino7 0
Kinda have to go with #15. If you're in boarding school, either your parents really hate you or you did something to get there, like, say, smoke weed. If they're that suspicious, there is probably a reason. Oh, and happy birthday.
alex_vik 1
...A ******* guest HOUSE?
MukyDaCookie 0
Happy Birthay weed in the guest house though? If it was yours, why wouldn't you take it with you?? Ah well, forget em. After the test, get blazed out of your skull and give them a call :P
ladida12 0
Okay seriously. You people have obviously never heard of a legit boarding school. If he/she has a guest house, they're probably pretty well off. Which means they probably sent their kid to a nice boarding school with good teachers and kids who haven't necessarily done anything wrong. And maybe this kid wanted to go! I begged my parents to go because I didn't like my hometown school. It's college office sucked. I did nothing wrong and I go to one of the best schools in the country, so chill. My parents love me. They sobbed when I left. Some parents just want the best education possible for their children. If that be Andover or Exeter or St George's instead of Hometown High School, so be it. Also, half of you guys are complaining about how rich the kid is. Guess what? It's not his or her fault and its NOTHING to be ashamed of!