Today, in the spirit of Christmas, I let a spider live in my room. I normally kill them, because I'm scared of waking up with one on my face. I woke up with it on my face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML
Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, some jackass spider decided to lay eggs behind my wall. No matter how many I kill, I always wake up to multiple baby spiders on my ceiling. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
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Top comments
puppypuncher 5
He was just coming back to thank you for saving him. Now give spider bro a hug.
Glitterhinoceros 14
Why wouldn't you just put it outside and not kill it, you didn't HAVE to let it live in your room.
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Comments (221)
supimnyancat 9
Jh
FMLsOhilarious 6
That is why you don't procrastinate in killing bugs. They have their own agenda lol.
AppleCoFreak 0
Idiot. You put it outside. Probably why our generation is so messed up, people don't know how to think.
patnix 6
He just wanted some lovin'.
lhfireman 0
it was just giving you some love for sparing its life......or laying eggs, either one really
bigAC 6
as far as I know spiders don't celebrate Christmas.
Ferretface 13
Yeah, most of them are Jewish.
evilplatypus 39
It was giving you a "thank you" kiss
weritomexican 7
With its fangs:p lol
Snafuusmc 12
This why we can't have nice things.
22jrdn55 15
*is* and, do you mean can't do nice things?
Snafuusmc 12
I apologize I did not see that error. But hey you understood what I was saying though.
kimmi41509 10
What do spiders have to do with christmas? Burn the bitch alive is my motto all year round!
theworstthing 7
Agreed.
A7X_LoVeee 10
I hate spiders. Those little bastards play dead.
KRS_13 0
I love your picture. Because Alesana is the shit :D
loserboii 11
Arachnaphobic much?