Today, I discovered that I have to share a room with my new stepbrother. I also discovered that he takes the same number of showers over the course of two weeks as I do in a single day: one. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my new roommate took a shower. This would be a good thing, except for the fact that it's apparently taken her two months just to take this one. I have to live with her for another year. FML
Today, I discovered my new step-dad has a rule about the shower. After three minutes, he turns the water off at the source. I had to beg him to turn it back on whilst covered in shampoo suds, and the only way I could get him to give me another minute was to forfeit my phone for the week. FML
Today, I came to the conclusion I have three kids instead of two, after having to force my husband to take a shower. It's been a week. FML
Today, I discovered that my stepbrother has been telling his friends that I'm his girlfriend. FML
Today, I woke up to my step-mother taking a shower in my bathroom. Of course, this would be fine, if my bathroom wasn't connected to my room and closet, or that I live in an apartment in their back yard, built before she moved in. FML
Today, while watching TV in my dorm, I clearly heard my roommate yell to someone proudly, "I've only taken a shower 4 or 5 times since I've been here." He's been my roommate for four months. FML
Today, I realized that my roommate has been using my loofah to clean our toilet. I've been cleaning myself with the shit of four college boys for the last six months. FML
Today, I actually had to have a discussion with my boyfriend about why he should shower more than once a week. FML
Today, I realized my morbidly obese, sweaty sibling is the source of a strange waft I've been smelling when I get home. He'll only shower once a week, so the apartment and furniture smell like sweat and sometimes poo, especially on hot days. I didn't notice until I went outside and stepped back in to follow my nose. FML
Today, I went over to the house of a guy I have hooked up with a few times. After we got done, I asked him why we were not in the room across the hall. He said that was his twin brother's room. FML
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Top comments
the17doctor 12
at least you dont have to worry about him hogging the shower.
drawmesunshine 17
The living room is looking pretty darn inviting, eh?
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Comments (125)
the17doctor 12
at least you dont have to worry about him hogging the shower.
coolboy675 16
Would've been funnier if OP said none instead
kwchambers92 10
I hope you shower at least 12 times a day, if you don't, that sucks
Kyzahhh 7
I would hate to know how often the pig brushes his teeth
klol_fml 11
that stinks OP
Ozone1232 5
24 - I see what you did there...
muzy 23
Maybe he doesn't perspire as much as some people *hint hint* :3...
FMLsOhilarious 6
#16 OP says he takes one shower a day.
Codezlol 21
And he has one golden rule. Never ever touch his drumset.
nahgemoohc 17
30- sorry, what exactly are you hinting?
Hungry_Panda 3
#38- I believe he was hinting at a previous FML.
zuzupetalsYO 11
#1 you look like a creeper. Just sayin
nahgemoohc 17
72- was that necessary? Just askin...
CondomSense 4
Comment moderated.
iamabamf 17
37-More importantly, don't touch your balls to his drumset.
gecko13 0
Fix it with comet and a toilet brush, he will shower on his own after that... Worked in the Marines!
margie2194 12
Maybe he'll much rather have a nice luxurious bath, with chocolates and Jane Austen novels...
drawmesunshine 17
The living room is looking pretty darn inviting, eh?
garfield749 4
what really sounds inviting is locking him out of the house in the middle of a rainstorm....
baby_dee97 8
Sorry OP I feel bad for you:(
dildimcgee 5
Who showers these days anyway
THE_A_TEEN 28
****** do. Why? They shower naked.
nahgemoohc 17
Everyone showers naked
twofirstnames 12
I guess we are all ****** then
CoachBangWhore 5
I do you sick ****
A100893 30
Calm your ****, 57.
SecretMe00 5
Its actually not good to wash your hair everyday. The natural oils help keep it healthy.
iamabamf 17
Wait, everyone's supposed to shower naked? Oh...-____-
abbytequiere 9
Time to invest in some febreze.
fancyclown 9
Or a gas mask.
Captain0bv10us 0
Sorry OP! It could be worse.
thisisafunnyname 12
Yeah, he could be teabagging your drumset
Avalanches 9
Pour a bucket of ice on his bed. Worked for my stinky bro. Actually, no it didn't. Still fun.
cc_the_beast 6
^ kudos on the picture/name. Great group!
THE_A_TEEN 28
My advice, spray him with a high pressure fire hose. Nothing works better than a little brutality.
DjeePee 25
You take too many showers and he too less. Really, two times a week is enough. A daily shower (with shampoo and shower gel) will damage your body/hair and a two-weekly shower will damage the nostrils of other people.
HPbabe 0
Umm, eww. It's perfectly healthy to shower everyday. I feel nasty if I skip even one day. And if you only shower twice a week, not only will you stink to the high heavens, but your hair would be greasy as hell. Plus I'd really rather not be sitting in my own sweat for that long, cause that is beyond gross.
urdirtyolduncle 15
Ew. No. Everyday is good. Ofcourse you miss some days, leading you to have, on average, 5-6 times a week. I would rather have "damaged body/hair" than a stinky body and no social life.
HaleyXx_fml 11
It's more damaging to hair if you don't wash it regularly.
twofirstnames 12
I don't care if my hair is a little damaged. I care if it looks like I just dipped my head in a grease fryer.
shrekus 0
I take two showers a day, I guess I'm killing myself....
DjeePee 25
...No, it is not perfectly healthy to use shampoo/shower gel everyday. How lovely those two might smell, it's still a chemical product that can give you skin problems (an overly sensitive skin, eczema, a rash...) and makes your hair fragile and (you won't believe this) greasy. But since you girls are terrible afraid of your own sweat - did you know that women get arroused by men sweat? And that people get in love with eachother because of their body odour? - you can shower daily, but water will do just fine. Just like taking a shower twice a week + washing your armpits/crotch daily with water will do just fine.
Xquisite1 28
You must be one funky pussy bitch.
Llama_Face89 34
43- I'm sorry but all I got out of that was that your grammar in the first two sentences of the second paragraph is terrible.
margie2194 12
34 "stink to high heaven" I read that in a Boston accent :P
glittercookies 12
There are products out there that work like soap but don't actually contain all the "damaging" ingredients. If you're really all that concerned. And I think men and women subconsciously smell the pheromones without the help of not showering for a week.
kristac123 0
Umm your wrong, it's not healthy to only shower twice a week, people should shower at least once a day, some people get really smelly when they don't
scrapmetal58 9
She is correct. We create so much oil because of showering so much. Look it up. I still shower everyday, unless I miss a day occasionally, because I feel really itchy if I don't. I use all natural, organic products to reduce the damage and not become a chem-pot. :)
kristac123 0
She says it's not healthy to shower everyday, therefore she IS wrong
YtotsDI 0
#43 there's the reason your dp is of someone in a gas mask. You must stink like a dog who rolls in his own shit. And if you're saying the chemicals are damaging your skin, do you believe toothpaste gives you sensitive or sore gums? I pity anyone who's within a 8 foot diameter of you.
skyeyez9 25
Maybe if you lived in anartica and never sweat due to the cold. I run 3-5 miles on my treadmill every day. If I only showered twice a week, The BO would be horrendous.
Justin23L 2
Well that was an interesting thread to read
docscientist 10
If only you girls were just as passionate about things that really mattered.
TinyLittleSilver 4
Those odours can also become off putting after a short period of time, like a hot day. Sure, it is attracting for a little while, but once the chemicals on the skin and all mix with the sweat...ew.
rach2010 0
43- People in America do not enjoy disgusting body odor, so we shower a bit more over here.
ashley30 4
Oh how can I add u, btw totally right to at least shower 3 times a week I smell great all the time I get huge compliments all the time. What can I do about the seasons split ends? Long brown hair, thin but thick hair (thin but alot of hair), really strong roots, straight with a bit of wave
applznoatz 1
I live in the south and trust me, you skip a day showering and deodorant or not everything starts getting funky. High humidity causes you to basically marinate in your own sweat so showering everyday is just a normal routine here. Unless you're a hobo or just plain nasty.
hollywoodsfreak 0
******* disgusting.
anie01 5
That's completely true. Want to know why you're filthy after 24 hours? Because you shower too much! When you wash the oils off your skin every single day, it stresses out your skin and it goes balistic trying to replenish those oils, so you get greasier faster and then dirt, dust and grime stick to you. If you trained your body chemistry on showering every second or third day, you'll say clean for the entire two days and your skin, scalp and hair will be healthier. A wet washcloth and maybe some dry shampoo is more than enough for the between-days.
wiggleyeah 3
Ewww
Wedees 15
I wash my hair like twice a week too and it doesn't get oily. I know people who have oily hair the second their hair dries because they wash their hair everyday. But i wash my body everyday. Come on come on wash that body.
miianah1 22
Now we know why you're wearing a gas mask- to protect yourself from your own scent.
lilypie86 0
Keep spraying him with febreze..he might get the hint! X