Today, in the spirit of Christmas, I let a spider live in my room. I normally kill them, because I'm scared of waking up with one on my face. I woke up with it on my face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML
Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, some jackass spider decided to lay eggs behind my wall. No matter how many I kill, I always wake up to multiple baby spiders on my ceiling. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
puppypuncher 5
He was just coming back to thank you for saving him. Now give spider bro a hug.
Glitterhinoceros 14
Why wouldn't you just put it outside and not kill it, you didn't HAVE to let it live in your room.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (221)
clownphobia23 12
Wow talk about karma being a bitch XD the revenge of the other spiders!
jcarolina 4
I probably would have taken it outside if I'd let it live, but hey, that's just me.
nuggetmonster 12
Never spare the enemy. That spider should have faced your foot of wrath the moment you saw him.
Mesocoollike 8
Spiders don't celebrate christmas.
urdirtyolduncle 15
I probably would have ate it. But, hey, that's just me.
Keyman1212 14
Kill it!!!!! Kill it with fire!!!!!!!
eyeIoveyou 4
it was supposed to be crawling up the water spout :'(
GoW_Chick 15
Maybe the rain had already washed the spider out...
tatababe 1
Lol at least you have faced your fears! Huzza!
KaanTech 0
Agreed kill it with fire....
smileeee_fml 0
I know how you feel op. A cockroach had once fallen on my shoulder & crawled up my neck towards my face when I was in bed. Scariest thing ever. Unfortunately for the cockroach it died after I had a heart attack trying to get it off me.
reneecooper77 0
137- You made me laugh for like 5 minutes. Haha I HATE roaches.
Twincest 11
Aww it wanted to thank you! so sweet! :3
sleepindevil 15
Yup. 'Cos Santa endorses possibly nasty spider bites
puppypuncher 5
He was just coming back to thank you for saving him. Now give spider bro a hug.
EatnBeef 7
Not funny 27.
TurnpikeTwister 0
No one should be alone during the holidays, spider bro needs love too!
Keyman1212 14
See, like... You aren't funny. At all.
docscientist 10
You just need to take it down a gear or two, mrmisfit.
graham11 14
I literally would have shitted myself if a spider was on my face!!
Justin23L 2
I scream like a girl when I see spiders :(
graham11 14
82- exactly! I'd take any bug over a spider. Those things are ******* scary!
zombicidal 11
but spiders are arachnids
ms_YoungMula 8
# 33, if at first you don't succeed DON'T try again
graham11 14
86- bugs, arachnids.. Same thing. I don't give a shit.
bamagrl410 31
Technically you said you'd take a bug OVER a spider, implying one instead of the other. Therefore, you were correct anyways. lol
Kefka91 15
27 - I laughed at the comment. I laugh at the most random shit though, so I'm probably not the best judge of your comment's humor. /shrug
fisher3839 2
what?
Ghetto_Dear 3
Wow. MrMisfit, you sir are a gay f**k
coe08 6
Do u have habbo cause I'm coe08
pedosmurf 7
The spirit of Christmas? Ah humbug!
ZTD09 2
In the spirit of the Christmas, you should have just gave it a quick clean death rather than letting it live. FYL & YDI.
NanillaVipples 2
I try not to kill spiders in my home because I'm always terrified it'll end up being one of those types that carries their babies on their back. O¿o
AngrehPirate 0
Nanilla you have just scared the shit out of me and now I am never going to squish a spider again.
SecretMe00 5
Use a shoe or fly swatter then! Problem solved. But that is extremely freaky to imagine.
graham11 14
46- holy shit!! That's completely horrifying! If that's the case, how would you recommend getting rid or spiders?!
NuTrees 9
152- I spray them with bug spray if I have it or just bathroom cleaner. I feel bad though it's like a acid shower for the spider. Like I'm exterminating to fulfill my dreams of purity.
graham11 14
167- Thank you! :) i will definitely keep that in mind next time I need to exterminate a spider. Now that you've scared the shit out of me with those spider eggs...
Blackmail111 9
You should have killed it because that way it would rain tomorrow instead of snow.
minisquid 9
He should have killed it because it's a ******* spider, that's why. Too many Goddamn legs...
Justin23L 2
At least it wasn't a stinkbug. I woke up with one of those on my face once. I cried for hours.
Feklfekl2222 32
The irony hurts!
graham11 14
Need a band-aid? I have to admit, my lame attempt at a joke was almost as stupid as your comment..
Feklfekl2222 32
It was a stupid comment even i admit that. Thanks for the offer but I'm allergic to elastoplasts but if you have a small square of gauze and some medical tape I'd be grateful (or some co-codamol)
PeeblesWiggins 0
I'm afraid all we have is duct tape to keep your mouth shut. My apologies.
graham11 14
148- good try with that play on words! Better luck next time!
sucks2BEyouu 0
mrmisfit, are you coming out of the closet.... on FML?
murdersquirrel 15
148 - even with a duct taped mouth, someone can still post comments.
Feklfekl2222 32
Good common sense murder squirrel
Glitterhinoceros 14
Why wouldn't you just put it outside and not kill it, you didn't HAVE to let it live in your room.
mommapanda 0
It would die outside as it is winter and cold in most parts of England this time of year.
downtime 13
9, It would be capable of finding another warm place to live. Spiders were around long before the invention of heating or housing.
SecretMe00 5
60-- good point! I was actually wondering how putting the spider outside would solve anything, I clearly forgot spiders have good survivor skills! lol... Good thinking! ........... A dog outside in the cold hooked to a chain is another story though.. So sad!
akito11 5
That would imply he was actually thinking...
UnearthlyEnemy 9
England is always cold...
xgetxbentx 13
That would require touching it, op obviously has a fear of spiders. That's why I kill them, I'm not going to attempt to pick one up and risk is crawling on me to let it outside.
CradleLeena 0
Never trust a spider
NAAMxLOOS 11
Screw you. Spiders are total bros. Well... most of the time, but you get the idea.
OhzTP 7
Backstabbing bastards...
graham11 14
7- except for spider man, the most trusted person alive! He's the man!!
KiddNYC1O 22
"Everybody gets one. Right, Peter?"
sniperkit 10
"Apparently everyone gets one?"
sr101998 0
Everybody gets one (swings away)
Mister_Triangle 21
My motto: Show no mercy; for you shall receive no mercy from them
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
178 - That explains the "Forever Alone" profile pic that you have.
BikeAllDay818 6
Imagine days later you notice a huge pimple on your cheek and you pop it, only to find out that that was a little sack filled with baby spiders.....that would be crazy...I read it in a book when I was little
Blackmail111 9
It was supposed to be a scary story which never happened. There's actually many different versions of it.
NAAMxLOOS 11
OH GAWD... I'm never going to get that mental image to go away when I see a spider...
t765234 10
Spiders do not lay eggs inside of skin.
Gamaryn 0
Yeah I remember seeing that on tv and reading it. There is another story where this kid has a swollen eye and the baby spiders come out from under his eye, And another where a kid pulls it out of his ear and brings it to show and tell at his school.
lovealwaysx 0
D': that's disgusting!!
night_ryder13 5
Well, I know what I'm going to have nightmares about tonight.
bananabuttercup 8
WHY WOULD YOU EVER SAY THAT. EVER. I WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN.
graham11 14
8- holy shit!! Does anyone have proactive?! These spider comments on this FML are making me just want to curl up in a ball in a dark closet and never come out.. A spider is bound to attack me now...
rachelthelime_fml 29
I heard the one where the girl has a lump on her neck and accidentally bumps it with her hairbrush. Cue the spiders xD
KrazieKleo 13
He just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas up close and personal :D.
ElectricGhost_fml 5
I would have punched that spider off my face and yelled TAKE THAT YOU FIEND!
KRS_13 0
I used to kill spiders. But then I took an arrow to the knee
Reddeaded 5
So, you would punch yourself in the face while saying ,"Take that you fiend." correct?