Today, I woke up to my drunk great grandfather peeing on my cat and thinking it was absolutely hysterical. This isn't the first time and he just moved in with me for the next six weeks. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while visiting my grandparents, I was afraid that one of their many cats would pee on me. I was peed on all right, by my grandma. FML
Today, I have to take care of my abusive grandpa. He's smearing poop all over the wall and peeing on the bed again. It's still morning and I'm bracing myself for doing this five times a day. FML
Today, while I was doing my hair, my grandpa walked in, dropped his pants, and started taking a crap in the toilet right next to me. FML
Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML
Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML
Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML
Today, I woke up to a strange sound that sounded like a lot of water being poured into a sink. It was actually my father in law using the bathtub as a toilet. He's staying with us, and is showing no signs of leaving any time soon. He thinks this is acceptable behavior. FML
Today, my husband woke up, tried walking to the bathroom, fell down, got back up and started peeing on the carpet. I’ve never seen him this drunk before. FML
Today, I found out that the crazy old man that sleep walks naked around my neighborhood every night is my grandpa. And he's not sleepwalking. FML
Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML
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Top comments
chick92282 15
That poor cat! Sounds like it's time to hide the booze.
DogsPaw 16
Hide the kitty!
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Comments (86)
Sierra_Rose_1 4
hide the kitty ! and the alcohol !
Pandacupcakelove 26
Great grandfather? Don't worry, he won't stay for a long time...
KiddNYC1O 22
****** up but true.
Pandacupcakelove 26
That's how i roll.
Ceejay1 13
Fun times ,everyone has a drunk grandpa or uncle ,got to love that shit lol .
Keiren 14
54 - Or two drunk uncles and a father that insists he's not. Yep, LOADS of fun there.
kitsune3 20
I'm so sorry, OP, but I started laughing my ass off after reading that first sentence.
JustKittyKat 24
Most FMLs posted about urine and felines end with the urinator being attacked. This kitty must be plotting revenge.
LizzCat77 9
NO, GRANDPA, NO. WE DO NOT PEE ON THE CAT. WE. DO NOT. PEE. ON THE CAT.
Kottonmouth247 4
Damn I lose lol
TheLadyOpal 30
Not the first time??? That's one tolerant cat!
demonkey_fml 4
You are a very nice person for housing your grandfather! I find that everything is bearable for a finite amount of time. Get a calendar and START COUNTING DOWN! By the way, it could be time to contact a social worker and have him put in the system - he seems a little - well - dementia - demented... I had to do this for my dad, but it was very useful in the fact that he stopped driving drunk (after the gov. impounded his car) and was not at risk of KILLING ANYONE AGAIN... (He never killed anyone, but he did smash up a few other people's cars - quite embarrassing) I know it's hard, but if your granddad is drunk-peeing on your cat is a fun recreational treat, he needs to go to (1) hospital - to see if there is a stroke-like situation going on or (2) an old-age home where he can be medicated and not threaten others. My dad had gobs of mini-strokes and he almost pushed an old lady down the stairs of his (private) old-age nursing home. It's like a frog boiling in water how their dementia creeps up on you. You think they are normal and suddenly - THEY ARE NOT. HAVE HIM EVALUATED BY A DOCTOR OR HOSPITAL (if he has Medicare - or other insurance) you may be surprised at what they find. His behavior is NOT NORMAL (AND I AM SPEAKING AS ONE WHO HAS BEEN THERE!) Also, my father was kicked out of his old-age home for drinking heavily. It's a symptom of depression, they put him on Prozac and he was better right away. My dad was also a hoarder who drank a bottle of very cheap vodka a day, so if any of this sounds familiar (1) you are not alone (2) it's time to seek the help of social services and put him in a home before he kills someone... sorry, luv..Good Luck!
Squeaky_Tomato 14
Either that or he lost everything he had (this having to live with his great granddaughter) and is depressed.
XmanInTraining 18
I don't think 68 knows how alcohol works...
taylorandrew 0
Yah it aint the beer has anyone ever though maybe the cat fell in the toilet?
Yetifoot 0
Maybe the cat IS a toilet and OP is too stupid to tell the difference