Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML
Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML
Today, while in deep sleep, I was suddenly awoken by a tickle on my face and nearly threw my cat off the bed. Apparently, 4 a.m. Is the perfect time to touch noses with your human. FML
Today, I was woken up by my cat, who normally doesn't bother me in the morning, meowing desperately and trying to get me to wake up. Fearing that something was very wrong, I jumped out of bed. He gestured for me to follow him, so I did. I followed him all the way to the kitchen, where he proceeded to puke. FML
Today, I turned over in my sleep and fell out of bed, face-first into a puddle of cold cat vomit that my cat had left for me. FML
Today, I replaced my bedsheets with new, clean ones. I went to the bathroom to wash up, and when I came back, my cat had peed exactly where my head would be. FML
Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML
Today, my cat woke me up announcing he was hungry by standing on my bedside table. This placed him both next to and above my head. Did he do this by meowing? Nope. Did he do it by tapping me with his little paw? Not that either. He sneezed all over my face. FML
Today, my cat woke me up a few minutes before my alarm, so I got up, had a pee, brushed my teeth, got dressed, went downstairs and fed her, started to make a coffee, and glanced at my phone clock. IT'S ONLY 01:30 IN THE FRICKING MORNING, MY ALARM DOESN’T GO OFF FOR ANOTHER 5 HOURS! DAMN CAT! FML
Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML
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Top comments
onlychildFTW 34
Hey you could market a peeing alarm clock and make millions! People need a good way to wake up. Haha.
Melissa92_fml 13
Sounds like a crazy version of the Cheshire Cat :D.. Though he's kinda crazy to begin with.
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Comments (102)
stardarkness 12
That sucks.
Syneriam 7
That sucks? Why would you say that? It's awesome, I mean it's not like its on FML or anything... Oh wait
onlychildFTW 34
Hey you could market a peeing alarm clock and make millions! People need a good way to wake up. Haha.
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
It sure would wake my ass up and force me to get in the shower at least....I'd get tired of washing my bed sheets daily though. :/
daner10 5
He must of been in a pissy mood. Sorry guys, it had to happen.
slurshies 11
is your cat purple by any chance?
reddawn1985 12
Can cats even smile?
klx125cross 9
Course they can!!
magicbananas3 6
Because everyone should get peed on every once in a while
pxndiieinsanity 6
6-Reminds me of the rollie-pollie alarm clock..
magicbananas3 6
76- If you wanted to talk to 6 why didn't you respond to his post?
Melissa92_fml 13
Sounds like a crazy version of the Cheshire Cat :D.. Though he's kinda crazy to begin with.
krysxkatastrophe 14
3- Cheshire Cat in his later years.
folfg0 12
That's an insult to the only cat I ever liked. :( Chesher cat is amazing and would never pee on the bed. Unless it disappeared.
xblair 11
cats are *******
banstrom17 4
Theres a new way to get up!
sens3sfailing 25
That was the point. OP pretty much said that themselves not In the same words.
lukep135 6
Not surprised. Cats are more evil than the devil's gooch
slurshies 11
gooch?
off_constantly 8
The gooch is the skin between a man's balls and his butthole.
TheFirstSamurai 18
Learn something new everyday.
jem970 19
I never pictured the devils gooch as "evil".... Actually I never pictured it at all..... How the hell did you come up with that phrase?!
slurshies 11
good to know... sorta. also, 46- hehe hell and the devil :P
lukep135 6
-46 my friend used the phrase devils gooch and I loved it
off_constantly 8
I'm sure if anything it would most likely smell pretty damn evil.
poppysoda 4
The elder ones of my kind are very wise. He was just trying to help wake you up. You should be honored.
CatsForLife 3
The cat in your picture is not amused by that comment.
sens3sfailing 25
The feline force is strong in this one.
DracoSpirita 21
Oh god, the duck face! Nooooo!
j_cat187 20
NawwwQuack!!
dog1999 2
Sounds better that cat pissing on you vs you pissing the bed
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
I'd rather piss my own bed than have an "old senile" cat pissing all over me and my bed.
XanderScythe 11
It's still pee.
MURIKKA 11
Ah, cats. Doing whatever the **** they want yet again.
wildsweetchild 19
That's why I love them. I'm pretty sure OP did something before that got the cat pissed, so it waited for the right moment to show his feelings...quite literally.
emeraldisle 30
You know he did it on purpose. As much as I love my cats, they can be so evil sometimes.
S182 15
Pee on your cat when he is sleeping.
numbersystem 4
It would only be fair! :)
SlayerElite 1
What the hell, Go for it! that cat basterd.
myndmelt 4
This made me LOL,in real life.
hippo1234 19
All fun and games til he scratches you
blubberfish 10
Yes, try peeing on the cat when it's asleep.. For if you weren't circumcised before, that cat will certainly do it for you.