Today, I woke up to an unfamiliar male face right beside mine. I flipped out fell of my 4 foot raised bed and got a concussion. Who, you may ask, was in my bed? My Robert Pattinson pillowcase. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to find my face covered in scratches, some of them bleeding. I was rather puzzled, as I don't have a cat. Then I realised that the feathers in my pillow had stuck out and scratched my face. I was attacked by my own pillow. FML
Today, I went to watch a movie. In the middle of it, I accidentally fell asleep. Minutes later, I awoke on a stranger's shoulder. He was caressing my hair. FML
Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML
Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML
Today, I was in bed when I rolled over and saw a hand right beside my head. I freaked out and nearly peed myself, just to realize that it was the huggable heart pillow my boyfriend had given to me on Valentine's Day. FML
Today, I woke up to my husband's face. That'd be nice if he hadn't turned his eyelids inside out, waiting to scare me. I was scared alright. So scared that I pissed myself and broke my side table falling out of bed. FML
Today, I was awoken to a punch in the face. My boyfriend said I was giggling in my sleep and he thought I was possessed. FML
Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML
Today, I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with the lights off. It was 1AM and I'd just finished watching a scary movie so I was a little paranoid. I was about to fall asleep when an eerie light lit the room. I jumped, got tangled in the sheets, and hit my head against the bed frame. Where'd the light come from? Not a space ship. Not someone breaking in. It was my phone. FML
Today, like every other day, I suffer from insomnia. On returning to the bedroom after a very late night shower to hopefully get some rest, I sat on my cat. I jumped up quickly and smacked my face against the cupboard. I then looked back to see if she was OK. I'd sat on my Squishmallow. FML
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Top comments
caancoha 0
Oh, look. He's watching you sleep.
IMB916 0
YDI for having such bad taste in men.
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Comments (300)
citygirlnomore 0
people actually buy those? the other day i saw a robert pattinson t-shirt hanging in the store and i laughed my head off with my bro as to who would buy that
woahZERO 0
agreed, YDI if you bought it because of twilight BUT if he was dressed as Cedric then i hope you're well.
lenabear 0
You deserve it for having a Robert Pattinson pillowcase... Only fat girls like Twatlight.
cjammer 0
Excuse me? Srsly? How dare you, you frothy ignorant creature! Please don't stereotype and associate my kind with THOSE disgusting girls! I'm fat and I HATE Twilight! We are NOT affiliated! Kthxbai.
monbon6788 0
#116....you win. you just do.
corner49 0
CJammer, win for comment. win for being a military wife. win for adverbs. win for japan. fail for marrying someone in the chair force ;)
imajinethat 0
Wins all around.
Firesprite2009 0
I'm recovering from bulimia, & apparantly, I'm fat again? -.- Fair enough though, but you're assuming just because I like Twilight, I like him? No, no, no, no. I like the film. & I adore the books. But I don't love Robert Pattinson.
chloee7 0
I want yur pillow case !
whooshk 0
YDI for not having a man in your life better than Edward
GreenRupee 0
... how old are you? 12? You TOTALLY deserved it.
Jade94_fml 0
WTF?? OP, YDI 100%. A Robert Pattinson pillowcase? What the **** is wrong with you? He looks like a cross between a greasy hobo and a foot. You completely deserved that.
OctoberRainfall 13
I get that some people find him hot, and i get that some people find him gross. But why do people always compare him to a foot?! I mean, a FOOT?! Of all things, WHY a foot?!
shockcrow 0
ok i see girls with shirts, bags, and even a lunch box.. a pillowcase with a creepy face to sleep with? yea.. ydi
hatcher 0
And now you know how creepy it is to have dudes stare at you while you sleep. Pigeons do that after *******, didja know that? The male STARES at the female for weeks. Mate guarding behavior is not romantic in higher orders of life. It's creepy as ****. I think we've all learned a lesson today.
natabeast 6
Unfortunately, Stephanie Meyer has set the standard for men in teenage girls in the fact that they should be creepy stalkers whose lives consist of only their girlfriend and awkwardly kissing her. I kind of feel bad for the guys that are trying to find a girlfriend amongst this generation.
EatMyCrayonz 0
I like twilight and i've read the saga and the movies are great but Robert Pattinson is an ugly ****, he's got a weird shaped head and his hair makes me feel sick, urghh