Today, I was in bed when I rolled over and saw a hand right beside my head. I freaked out and nearly peed myself, just to realize that it was the huggable heart pillow my boyfriend had given to me on Valentine's Day. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making the bed, at 2 AM. And he wasn't so much making the bed as he was holding a pillow while lost in thought, looking at me. FML
Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, I lay in bed reflecting on my fiancé's complaint about my lack of displays of affection. I felt terrible, so I rolled over and hugged him in his sleep. He's a fully trained martial artist and his immediate reaction was to try to snap my neck. FML
Today, while in bed with my boyfriend, I accidentally let one slip. While thinking "maybe he didn't hear, maybe he's sleeping", the shaking of the bed from his laughter let me know otherwise. FML
Today, I woke up to an unfamiliar male face right beside mine. I flipped out fell of my 4 foot raised bed and got a concussion. Who, you may ask, was in my bed? My Robert Pattinson pillowcase. FML
Today, I woke up to my husband's face. That'd be nice if he hadn't turned his eyelids inside out, waiting to scare me. I was scared alright. So scared that I pissed myself and broke my side table falling out of bed. FML
Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
Today, as I was lying on my bed with one of my arms hanging from the side, I felt something sniff my hand from underneath. I don't have any pets. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
Anyone here not woken up with a strange hand over their face, only to discover it's your own limp, insensate, asleep hand? Hey, it can't just be me! Can it?
thepunman 11
Heart attack!
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Comments (61)
UnidentifiedFun 37
How did you confuse a hand and a heart?
Instagrants 8
They have hands at each side, I believe.
ManInTheMachine 20
What I want to know is how realistic the hand was that it scared her into almost pissing herself. I hope her boyfriend isn't doing any freaky Van Gogh shit.
EnterSandman_fml 20
When you're half asleep, many things can appear to be other things. My ex-girlfriend once mistook a small clump of cat hair on a pillow for a spider. Of course, she screamed and woke me up as well.
MuseFan1991 14
31- i've been done that as well! i woke up and imagined a huge spider was crawling towards me over the pillow. the human mind is a cruel thing
DocBastard 40
Anyone here not woken up with a strange hand over their face, only to discover it's your own limp, insensate, asleep hand? Hey, it can't just be me! Can it?
perdix 31
#2, no, Doc, it's happened to me, too. It sucks when you start caressing this hand only to eventually find out that it's yours. So much for the hand job :(
Tcaret300 12
It's happened to me, even one time I hit a leg and didn't know it was mine
gc327072 31
Happened to me. I instinctively threw this hand off of me, only to feel a pain in my shoulder when I did.
SirCharles83 13
On the contrary perdix, it's the perfect opportunity for "the stranger" and you don't even have to sit on your hand for a half hour lol
wildsweetchild 19
Happened to me too. And caressing part just like Perdix described. I guess it's not that weird after all.
perdix 31
#42, not so fast, just because you do something like I do it doesn't mean it's not weird -- it proves it! Sorry, but at least you and me are in the same weirdo boat!
cliffibom 15
I once searched for my numb hand and ended up hitting myself in the face with it nearly knocking me out
wlddog 14
I slept on my arm somehow, and woke up to my whole right arm being immobile. I even had trouble rolling off the arm. Freaked me out. No permanent damage was done, but that arm was sore for a while.
outoftown 27
You have a kind hand, Doc. Mine just smacks me awake.
thatdangmexican 18
How could you possibly confuse a heart shaped pillow and a hand?
Misswildsides 22
Look at #1s responses..
capslockisgood 19
Understanding time fail.
hugsandisses 6
He was #3, that was comment #11.
thepunman 11
Heart attack!
iAlissa 34
Fitting name you have there.
chubchube 7
I would've ran the **** out of bed. And then isolate myself from that room entirely.
Misswildsides 22
Don't you think that's a little too dramatic?
iAlissa 34
I agree with 23 - it's a pillow. Not a masked murderer.
Oceanborn_fml 24
But what if it was a murderer disguised as a heart pillow?
iAlissa 34
53 - then he's a damn good murderer I guess!
CrissyyyS2 22
I would of smacked it away then realize it was a pillow before I start to flip out and nearly pee myself.
andyyroxx 20
Oh you would? That's a very smart set of decisions on your behalf. How many times do commenters have to clear up "should/would/could have"?
asb818 14
What you think you would do compared to what you actually do, while in a half sleep, are usually completely different.
Jonaahhhh 12
Happy Valentines Day.......!
rhapsodys 12
I think you need a calender
Jonaahhhh 12
I think you need to re-read the FML... She got the heart that scared her for valentines day. Sorry if the joke was too subtle.
perdix 31
Do you often date guys with red fuzzy hands?
vadaaa 11
Hmm.. I don't think so, considering OP has a boyfriend.
perdix 31
#14, I'm thinking the boyfriend has red, fuzzy, plush hands. Or maybe the huggable pillow IS the boyfriend and she really shoplifted it, and tried to convince us there is a real human boy involved. The shopkeepers saw the theft, but were too sad to press charges.
vadaaa 11
I'm guessing that he doesn't, OP probably wouldn't have been that scared if she saw her boyfriends hand. Your second idea seems very likely.
FitForFun 11
I feel like this would be a glasses commercial, get your eyes checked or stop dating Elmo and friends.
Missy2612 11
yeah definitely thought it was going to turn out to be her own hand. If you had been hugging it right, this would have never happened!