Today, my husband drew a penis on every one of my cigarettes. It's a new pack. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, my husband bought me a present for our three year anniversary. It was a pack of 20 cigarettes. I don't smoke. He does. FML
It's the thought that counts
Today, I woke up and my husband said he got me a gift for our one year anniversary and that it was on the table. We laid around cuddling and when I finally got up I was expecting to walk out to beautiful bouquet of flowers. I got two packs of cigarettes. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be funny to mow a penis into our lawn. I guess he forgot my parents are coming over. FML
Today, my husband put "sexual favors" on the memo line for my contractor's check. His wife saw it and he had to quit mid-job. I'm stuck with a half-finished house and my husband thinks it's funny. FML
Caught in 4K
Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML
Pranked
Today, my friend made the effort to draw a penis on every page in my analysis textbook in pen. I have to return this tomorrow. FML
Today, my husband ruined the laundry once again. He forgot to empty his pants pockets before washing them. Last time he left an ink pen in them. This time it was a strawberry. FML
Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML
Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML
Top comments
furfantasies 0
Smoking is bad anyways
Chris122990 4
I think he's subtly asking for a *******.
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Comments (307)
furfantasies 0
Smoking is bad anyways
xlord 27
Looks like your going to be sucking on a new penis every day :)
buck33 14
I think he is giving OP a hint.
iiTsAJ 5
Practice makes perfect.
BarDownDaily 12
He could be asking for a *******, or trying to get you to quit smoking and evidently save your life.
NabbdjuretPerry 0
Your lungs are getting destroyed by penises!
BeatifulPenguin 4
No body cares anyway, OP.
PennyLane27 32
F your husbands life for having to deal with your selfish, nasty-ass smoking!!!!!!
PennyLane27 32
He's trying to care for you. You have two choices: Let him care for you now... ask him for help and support in quitting. OR Let him care for you as a terminal cancer patient.. by making sure you take your morphine pills, changing your catheter bag, helping you sit on a toilet/cleaning your soiled underwear, draining your lung tubes (pretty cool. they put a little tube in to drain fluid build up, so you can live a couple extra months!)..The morphine ***** you up so bad you likely won't recognize your husband who's sacrificing his well-being to take care of you in your final months...... Frankly that's not even the worst of it. At that point, you still have a few months to 'live'.... OH and as an added 'middle finger' to the man you 'love', you get to tack him with hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical bills that will linger LONG after you're gone.
LSS_fml 18
Maybe rather than plain packaging cigarettes, the Australian government should draw penises all over them.
Discombobulated9 12
Can I just say that, even though I agree with everyone that smoking is a very dirty habit, we all voluntarily intake toxins on some level. If someone meddled with your alcohol, for instance, I'm sure you'll be quick to say something about it. Also, yes, smoking increases the chances of cancer; that doesn't mean all smokers are destined to become cancer patients. Other things increase the risks of cancer as well; hair dyes, certain foods, some contraceptives, sunlight, obesity, even cell phones- but I'm sure most of you guys wouldn't be quick to avoid those things.
OHai15 12
dont choke on that "smoke"
Jezlovespink 5
But it takes many more years for u to get any kind of medical conditions from those, u wud have to be doing those things many times a day (like smoking ciggarettes) in order to get cancer or other medical conditions ect....
divadro102 16
It's not just about cancer. You're ******* up your lungs! You might end up with a hole in your throat to breathe. And the idiots who still smoke do it through their throats wtf
KatrinaKitten 16
139- Though your comment has a point, these practices don't pollute the air, and there is no correlation between them and cancer as direct as smoking and lung cancer.
Maddidaddi 0
Who cares if someone smokes? You just thumb it down because you don't like smokers. Grow up.
kkillaj 5
166- the food she is talking about are sprayed with herbicides and pesticides they do cause air pollution. I'm not for smoking tobacco though the stuff is kinda nasty
KatrinaKitten 16
169, I didn't know that, thank you.
EpicSquishii 21
Almost ALL foods lead to cancer It's the processed, canned, and otherwise tampered-with foods that lead to the over-growth of cells. That's why cases of cancer Skyrocketed in different communities around the world once they were introduced to trade. Organic is really important
yoyoforpeace 14
You deserve it for smoking even though you know it kills and causes cancer.
downtime 13
139, I hate when people reference other things that have been shown to have a minor cancer risk as a justification for smoking. For starters, the majority of the things you mention either have a higher function or actually have a purpose in our lives. Smoking has none. There is no benefit from smoking. Also, people DO mess with your alcohol. If you are drinking to excess it is not unheard of for people to stage interventions. It's also common for people to try to stop their alcoholic relatives and friends from killing themselves. Apparently doing the same thing to a smoker is "rude" and "none of their business". 219, You're really just taking a half truth and exaggerating it to further your point. It's really not like you're saying at all, and organic comes with its own issues.
loopsy_fml 14
If he's telling u to quit, I agree
schrodingersdog 4
OPs an idiot for buying cigarettes anyway. It's practically throwing away money.
ImanAzol 4
But a hint to quit smoking, or to suck more ****?
Chris122990 4
I think he's subtly asking for a *******.
marxistbkly 3
Heads you win . . . .
PrincessPesa 20
Tails you get a cigarette burn in the mouth?
abceasyas123abc 12
I'm not sure why but as I read your comment I was expecting it to end with "you get a cigarette burn in the butt".
PrincessPesa 20
Cigarette butt perhaps? Usually BJs don't involve butt. Only for special occasions.
DKjazz 20
I don't know about "subtly".
ntherewas1 11
I think what lies in the husband's mind here is twofold; he's suggesting that 1) you don't give enough ******** and 2) you smoke way too much. Hence he may as well get a '*******' or two out of the countless cigarettes the OP smokes.
fymother 13
BJs from a mouth full of ash wouldn't be any fun... he's conveniently hinting OP needs to quit so that the ******** can be better. Two birds with one stone (two ideas with one cig)
ShutUpPlz_fml 0
Heads I get tail, tails I get head
RacerX1695 1
Or maybe he's subtly asking for OP to burn his dick off…
sarko30 7
Oh well, what will inhaling pen/sharpie do that the cig itself doesn't?
BARBER76 1
Hey love the pads.
CockAsian 14
Drugs are bad mkauuyyy?
StanSmith_fml 9
She's basically saying her life is ****** from losing an 11 dollar pack of cigarettes. Ouch.
sarko30 7
thanks for liking my pads! :)
DSfriscoe 2
hehe, you got to stick the dick in your mouth to get what your body craves!
Allahu_Akbar 1
Sucking dick is so much better than smoking. It can be pleasurable for both parties and is just positive all around! Smoking on the other hand just hurts you and the people around you.
s15c 9
Was really tempted to thumb this up and ruin that it's 69.
perdix 31
Actual size?
yahoowizard 16
That way, she gets to practice several times a day till she perfects it at night
laden_swallow09 35
Not the same technique, guy.
WCARlover 35
FYL for smoking in the first place
21jason 9
Hey rehabs for quitters!!
YDIomg 9
I think that OP should have learned that on FML you won't get any sympathy if you smoke.
iluvhobos 5
FHL for smoking? Not quite, she's the one who decided to start smoking in the first place, therefore her dumb ass deserved it.
itsharkley 8
Y U even try?!
downtime 13
138 That applies to everywhere else too. The only sympathy those idiots get is from each other.
Blueglasscup 18
What a rather ingenious way to get you to quit.
ladyLALAA 29
Yeah it would be embarrassing exposing that to someone in the smoking area at work.
petraphotoDOTca 6
wow, NOW I get the irony!!!! hrrrmmmmmm
Pandacupcakelove 26
Maybe he doesn't want you smoking? I don't know, but smoking is bad for you and you really should quit.
ycrem0n 21
Government Warning: Cigarette smoking is dangerous to your health
tobedd 13
If the government was truly concerned for us, they'd ban it all together
Bullpine 11
People would rebel. The law wouldn't stop anyone.
downtime 13
177, When people feel they have a right to do something they will find a way of doing it illegally. Smokers are of the opinion that it is their right to smoke, and I'd be interested to see how many would quit if it became illegal. I'm guessing very few.
sillycart 9
He is just trying to help you quit smoking!