Today, like every other day, I suffer from insomnia. On returning to the bedroom after a very late night shower to hopefully get some rest, I sat on my cat. I jumped up quickly and smacked my face against the cupboard. I then looked back to see if she was OK. I'd sat on my Squishmallow. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML
Today, my cat likes to share my pillow at night. I guess she was extra comfortable last night, because she didn't bother getting off it to hack up a hairball. I woke up because I rolled my face onto it. FML
Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML
Today, I turned over in my sleep and fell out of bed, face-first into a puddle of cold cat vomit that my cat had left for me. FML
Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a paw slap, then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML
Today, I was enjoying a rare lazy Sunday afternoon nap when I woke up to a loud thud. My cat, who had been silently plotting his next move, jumped on my chest and knocked over my glass of water. Now my entire bed is soaked, my phone is possibly ruined, and my cat is looking at me like I was the one who did something wrong. FML
Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML
Today, I woke up to find my face covered in scratches, some of them bleeding. I was rather puzzled, as I don't have a cat. Then I realised that the feathers in my pillow had stuck out and scratched my face. I was attacked by my own pillow. FML
Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML
Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML
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Top comments
Plop 17
Get a boyfriend and sit on his "squishmallow". That'll cure your insomnia.
Yudith 28
At first, I thought Squishmallow was the cat's name.
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Comments (3)
RichardPencil 32
Hey, at least you didn't sprain your wrist and have to wear a wrist-guard for six weeks. That's something!
Plop 17
Get a boyfriend and sit on his "squishmallow". That'll cure your insomnia.
Yudith 28
At first, I thought Squishmallow was the cat's name.
indiemusicnerdgirl 21
Same 😂