Today, I woke up to my husband's face. That'd be nice if he hadn't turned his eyelids inside out, waiting to scare me. I was scared alright. So scared that I pissed myself and broke my side table falling out of bed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I fainted in my bathroom, full on naked and sprawled out on my bathroom floor. When I came to, I was in pain from landing on my side and very disoriented. I sat up and could see my husband just roll over in bed and go to sleep. He didn’t even ask me if I was OK. FML
Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML
Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML
Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, I’m still recovering from last night. I fell asleep before my boyfriend. He thought it would be funny to stand at the bottom of the bed with a knife and wake me up. I screamed so much that I wet myself and had a panic attack. He recorded the whole thing. FML
Today, I turned over in my sleep and fell out of bed, face-first into a puddle of cold cat vomit that my cat had left for me. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML
Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away, and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML
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Top comments
hpandher 16
On the plus side, you still have fun part in your marriage. Child inside one should never die.
thesalmon 3
My boyfriend's mom fell out of bed and broke her clavicle trying to reach her alarm clock, since them I'm terrified of falling out of bed. If someone scared me when I woke up I would probably die from the damage I'd cause myself from trying to get away.
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Comments (33)
hpandher 16
On the plus side, you still have fun part in your marriage. Child inside one should never die.
nodeathtoall 19
If it was me I'd have punched him, I have terrible nightmares
GreedyGreedo 10
If it was me I also would have punched him. I don't appreciate strange men in my bed
BoneCollector 16
Lmao! Your comment made me laugh harder than the actual FML! I guess I wasn't expecting that for some reason!
Ahmad321 3
Are you dumb lol?
danm_1 28
seems like you woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
thesalmon 3
My boyfriend's mom fell out of bed and broke her clavicle trying to reach her alarm clock, since them I'm terrified of falling out of bed. If someone scared me when I woke up I would probably die from the damage I'd cause myself from trying to get away.
_Peppermint_ 34
I'm still terrified when someone turns their eyelids inside out
IcedSapphire 27
I had a friend who used to do this all the time because he knew it scared me.
_Desiderata_ 9
On the bright side, you can pretty much ask him for whatever you want for, like, the next month. ;)
windyal0115 15
I was never able to flip my eyelids like that, it was so nerve-wracking that I just never tried.
Lalala579121 28
Congratulations.
DravensTheName 16
That's awesome haha. Sounds like y'all have a good relationship (:
Cheyennexo 15
At least your marriage is full of surprises
FMLFreakShow 18
I hope your OK, but at least you have a fun marriage and not a boring lame one.