Today, I woke up to an unfamiliar male face right beside mine. I flipped out fell of my 4 foot raised bed and got a concussion. Who, you may ask, was in my bed? My Robert Pattinson pillowcase. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to find my face covered in scratches, some of them bleeding. I was rather puzzled, as I don't have a cat. Then I realised that the feathers in my pillow had stuck out and scratched my face. I was attacked by my own pillow. FML
Today, I went to watch a movie. In the middle of it, I accidentally fell asleep. Minutes later, I awoke on a stranger's shoulder. He was caressing my hair. FML
Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML
Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML
Today, I was in bed when I rolled over and saw a hand right beside my head. I freaked out and nearly peed myself, just to realize that it was the huggable heart pillow my boyfriend had given to me on Valentine's Day. FML
Today, I woke up to my husband's face. That'd be nice if he hadn't turned his eyelids inside out, waiting to scare me. I was scared alright. So scared that I pissed myself and broke my side table falling out of bed. FML
Today, I was awoken to a punch in the face. My boyfriend said I was giggling in my sleep and he thought I was possessed. FML
Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML
Today, I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with the lights off. It was 1AM and I'd just finished watching a scary movie so I was a little paranoid. I was about to fall asleep when an eerie light lit the room. I jumped, got tangled in the sheets, and hit my head against the bed frame. Where'd the light come from? Not a space ship. Not someone breaking in. It was my phone. FML
Today, like every other day, I suffer from insomnia. On returning to the bedroom after a very late night shower to hopefully get some rest, I sat on my cat. I jumped up quickly and smacked my face against the cupboard. I then looked back to see if she was OK. I'd sat on my Squishmallow. FML
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Top comments
caancoha 0
Oh, look. He's watching you sleep.
IMB916 0
YDI for having such bad taste in men.
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Comments (300)
ImaCharginMahLaz 0
Today, I Stubbed my toe. it hurt so bad that it made me start chargin-mah-lazah...oh I cried lika dis too =,(.When I was done, a turd hita me in da eyez and it looka sorta like dis ting . Yeah...it had a very durty face on it. By the way, I needed I band aid for my toe.
ImaCharginMahLaz 0
I forgot da FML. :)
jaysaysss 0
ayyo rob patt imma let chyu finish but taylor laurtner is way hotter and lion king had one of the best pillow cases if all time.
shaaayyee 0
...chyu...?
lightningthunder 0
Robert Pattinson is watching someone sleep. That's not new.
thisismylifetoda 0
Excellent!
RabidSumomo 0
YDI for having a Robert Pattinson pillowcase in the first place. Effing gross.
ImaCharginMahLaz 0
READ COMMENTS 52-53
iAndrea 0
YDI for having a RPatz pillow. Haha, jk. I used to love him, but now...no, just no. He's okay, but uh, Taylor is sort of beautiful. ;) Twilight haters: please do the world a favor and keep your opinions to yourself. AKA; shut up.
Shadic 0
Keep your shitty tween entertainment out of pop-culture and nobody would complain about it.
ImaCharginMahLaz 0
Let me fix that up... READ COMMENTS 52-53
ImaCharginMahLaz 0
nvm just read this... Today, I Stubbed my toe. it hurt so bad that it made me start chargin-mah-lazah...oh I cried lika dis too =,(.When I was done, a turd hita me in da eyez and it looka sorta like dis ting . Yeah...it had a very durty face on it. By the way, I needed I band aid for my toe.
Marcheline_Chase 0
omfg, that's amazingly funny. Like, you get really high kudos for that fail. Well done.