Today, I woke up to an unfamiliar male face right beside mine. I flipped out fell of my 4 foot raised bed and got a concussion. Who, you may ask, was in my bed? My Robert Pattinson pillowcase. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to find my face covered in scratches, some of them bleeding. I was rather puzzled, as I don't have a cat. Then I realised that the feathers in my pillow had stuck out and scratched my face. I was attacked by my own pillow. FML
Today, I went to watch a movie. In the middle of it, I accidentally fell asleep. Minutes later, I awoke on a stranger's shoulder. He was caressing my hair. FML
Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML
Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML
Today, I was in bed when I rolled over and saw a hand right beside my head. I freaked out and nearly peed myself, just to realize that it was the huggable heart pillow my boyfriend had given to me on Valentine's Day. FML
Today, I woke up to my husband's face. That'd be nice if he hadn't turned his eyelids inside out, waiting to scare me. I was scared alright. So scared that I pissed myself and broke my side table falling out of bed. FML
Today, I was awoken to a punch in the face. My boyfriend said I was giggling in my sleep and he thought I was possessed. FML
Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML
Today, I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with the lights off. It was 1AM and I'd just finished watching a scary movie so I was a little paranoid. I was about to fall asleep when an eerie light lit the room. I jumped, got tangled in the sheets, and hit my head against the bed frame. Where'd the light come from? Not a space ship. Not someone breaking in. It was my phone. FML
Today, like every other day, I suffer from insomnia. On returning to the bedroom after a very late night shower to hopefully get some rest, I sat on my cat. I jumped up quickly and smacked my face against the cupboard. I then looked back to see if she was OK. I'd sat on my Squishmallow. FML
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Top comments
caancoha 0
Oh, look. He's watching you sleep.
IMB916 0
YDI for having such bad taste in men.
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Comments (300)
BrownSugar_fml 5
men who like Robert pattison.... although it might be a bad thing, unless you're into that....
cherylface 13
Ugh, FML put my comment in the wrong place.
borabora1991 0
When I was younger, I had a couple of pillow cases with Pongo and Perdita on them, from 101 Dalmatians... ...although I didn't do the things with my pillow cases that you probably do with yours..
fobchick 0
I love Robert Pattinson, he is soooo gorgeous I would totally **** him. Yummy!
nishi_fml 0
I just vomited. Thank you.
cherylface 13
Please refrain from having your ****-tastic grossness explode all over the internet.
borabora1991 0
Would you do a mutt roaming the city streets scrounging around in garbage cans for food? Because they pretty much look the same.
zaphilia 0
That doesn't mean he'd be willing to get within 100 feet of you...
Firesprite2009 0
e.o Ah. You're one of them. You people are probably the reason he's one of the most hated men in the world.
LissaMccracken 23
That is seriously a creepy thing to say...
lolsan 0
Thats ******* creepy and disturbing.
michelleyily 0
R. Pattetson has a wierd nipple !
cherylface 13
That's funny, because I had a friend mention that tonight. I never paid any attention to them.
Brooklynxman 0
Wow. Just wow. I'm not going to count how many ways you deserve it, but chief is you are a twitard in the fullest sense of the having creepy pillow case covers of Robert Pattinson.
allmidnighteyes 11
mylifeistwilight.com get the **** off here and go there with the rest of the sad excuses for life, plz. kthnxbai
daydreamstar 7
for some reason my comment was moderated even though it was fine.. message me. it dealt with 'was it good' watching you when you sleep' and yea :p
NoNameGer 0
LOL
briansdae 0
Fail