Today, I woke up to find my face covered in scratches, some of them bleeding. I was rather puzzled, as I don't have a cat. Then I realised that the feathers in my pillow had stuck out and scratched my face. I was attacked by my own pillow. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, there was something itching me in my bed, it was the tag to my pillow case. I ripped it off, very hard and slipped and punched myself right in the face. I broke my nose. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, I was attacked by a bird at three in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and it decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML
Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, my cat likes to share my pillow at night. I guess she was extra comfortable last night, because she didn't bother getting off it to hack up a hairball. I woke up because I rolled my face onto it. FML
Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML
Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML
Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML
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Top comments
Arshoo14 2
Hmmm...So that's a pillow fight.
Tarlachia 33
Butcher: "I'm gonna turn you into a nice, soft feather pillow, you ornery bird!" Goose: "I will never stop! Every feather of my being shall draw it's revenge!"
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Comments (18)
Arshoo14 2
Hmmm...So that's a pillow fight.
moodyreallyrocks 27
Time for a new pillow OP!!
BestOrginalName 22
You mean EX-pillow, OP!
DaDezza244 31
Did The feathers come from Skarmory?
cameronall 2
Only the real Pokémon trainers will understand this.
CastaP 12
Correction: You were maliciously caressed!
Tarlachia 33
Butcher: "I'm gonna turn you into a nice, soft feather pillow, you ornery bird!" Goose: "I will never stop! Every feather of my being shall draw it's revenge!"
hman1025 17
Geese are assholes
Tarlachia 33
Bingo.
Lalala579121 28
Next time make sure your pillow doesn't read "doubles as a pincushion" on the label.
J352SAURUS 30
That's not exactly beauty sleep.
Soninuva 41
Your pillow only wanted you to have a good sleep... forevermore.
sturschaedel 27
You must have some really deep sleep, or are not very sensitive to pain, or both. There are probably millions of people out there that envy you, a lot. So if I laughed about your misfortune more than I should have, it's because I'm really jealous.
nonsensical 26
"Until next time....", says the evil pillow. On second thought, maybe your head was suffocating the pillow and it was merely defending itself!