Today, I reprimanded my daughter for eating too many chips, since it's not good for you. She responded with, "Know what else isn't good for you? Two cigarettes a day." I couldn't even come up with a retort. I can't believe I just got burned by a ten-year-old. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I told my daughter that she wasn't allowed to eat in her room, so she sat at the table and glared at me for 10 minutes while she ate. She's 15. FML
Today, I got a citation from school. My 10-year-old son was caught smoking cigarettes during recess. FML
Today, I caught my young daughter eating candy after brushing her teeth. Angry, I asked her if she wanted all her teeth to fall out. She smiled and said, “Yes!” FML
Today, I confronted my daughter about the various drug-associated items I found in her room. She then confronted me about going in her room and invading her privacy, to the point where I forgot the main issue and apologised to her. I just got outsmarted by a teenage pothead. FML
Today, I got into a fight with my sister. Later on she brought me a bowl of tortilla chips, which I thought was her way of apologizing. I found out too late that she'd licked the flavoring off them and it was really her way of saying "Fuck you." FML
Today, after being fed up with my sarcastic, mouthy daughter, I decided to remove her TV from her room. I dropped it on my foot and broke two toes. She promptly said, "That's what you get." FML
Today, after a big lunch, my daughter told me she wasn’t hungry and didn’t want a snack. Ten minutes later, the sound of a bag of chips being opened summoned her like a beacon. She burst into the room, shouting, “HOW COULD YOU EAT WITHOUT ME?” I’m apparently not allowed to snack without filing paperwork now. FML
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
Today, during dinner, my daughter rudely cut into my conversation and gushed that she's "like, totally" going to audition for a reality TV show next year, after I pay her way. Five minutes into her jaw-dropping stupidity, I had to physically restrain myself from slapping her out of her chair. FML
Today, I finished off the last of the BBQ chips in the house. When my 6-year-old sister found out about it, she started screaming, then pulled down her pants and peed on the kitchen floor. My parents, after witnessing the whole thing, bitched me out for upsetting her. FML
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Top comments
Grumpy Jack 27
Two cigarettes a day is not that much. But she still is right. I wish I could decrease my daily consumption down to two...
Lydmyers 9
As the parent of a 10 year old... not only did you walk right into that one, but you asked for it too. And I'm not trying to be a dick - you know I'm right, OP.
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Comments (4)
Grumpy Jack 27
Two cigarettes a day is not that much. But she still is right. I wish I could decrease my daily consumption down to two...
Lydmyers 9
As the parent of a 10 year old... not only did you walk right into that one, but you asked for it too. And I'm not trying to be a dick - you know I'm right, OP.
CowgirlWithHeart 16
She's not wrong, and she can think on the fly.
Sinshine 28
I feel like you should be proud of your child to understand smoking is bad despite seeing her parent do it.
Grumpy Jack 27
Yeah, well.. I knew it was bad way before I began. First, you mimick your parents with chocolate made cigarettes. Then, you become a teenager and start smoking because your friends do. And this is how you end up 20 years later !