Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, "Please don't get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML
Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML
Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it said, "Sorry, I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?" FML
Today, I found out this girl I had sex with lied to me. They weren't razor burn bumps. And I now have them. FML
No. Just… No.
Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML
Overbearing girlfriend
Today, I woke up, thinking it was going to be a good day. However, when I looked at my phone, I saw that my girlfriend had sent me an obscene number of angry messages, which are still coming in, because I forgot to say goodnight to her last night. FML
Mr Hyde comes out at night
Today, I woke up to 20 unread messages from my friend asking why I sent her stuff like, “I hate you” and “Get lost” at 3 a.m. Turns out I sleep-texted during a nightmare. Now I have to grovel and apologize for something I don't even remember doing. FML
Today, my girlfriend of ten months sent me a picture message of her making out with a guy. Under it, it read, "You can pick your stuff up in the morning." FML
Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML
Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML
Top comments
OcampoFTW 4
At least she told you bout it
danford80 0
Wow. Anytime a conversation starts with please don't be mad or we need to talk it never ends well!!
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Comments (207)
cgall123 0
Hey well I hope u weren't a fool and you wrapped your tool
writergirl23 19
U no a lot of diseases get thru anyway. I'm not against playing safe with condoms but I'm just saying it's not a fix all.
KK3137 31
Quoting Durex?
fthislyfe 22
Why did you give 47 thumb downs? What he/she said was right. I study in medical school and I know many STDs that can't be prevented by condoms. Why don't you want to believe that?
manda_panda1987 0
Fact: Most people don't know how to look at basic facts. (Some doped-up book on facts) Fiction: Use a cap full of bleach twice daily to prevent Aids. (Channel Six News) Lmfao
otb113 7
65..... stfu
Emmy_The_Great 2
I hope OP didn't make a mistake and wrapped his trouser snake
dirtroadboy 7
dont sleep with nasty bitches. tyf.
corleon198425 22
Win on her end at least she told you
2ndSucks 15
She was a little late on that one. You got an itchy dick?
dirtroadboy 7
cause that makes it right...
xlorawrz 9
At least she warned you. That's gross on her part, but she was considerate enough to inform you about it in advance, right?
SteelCladAngel 0
He got the text two days after they had sex.
xlorawrz 9
Better late than never.
smittys 7
Not better late than never in this case dipshit!!
IAm1AwesomeChick 7
17, she should have warned him before they hooked up. op, did you look at her stuff before you hooked up? you didn't notice any rashes?
xlorawrz 9
123 - No, "dipshit", it is better late than never because she gave him a heads-up on what the cause of his probable rash in the near future is about. She confessed a bit late, but at least she had the guts to tell him. So sit the **** down.
xlorawrz 9
147 - Do you think OP would still be willing to sleep with the girl if he knew about the rash beforehand?
lexisdakotaa 5
Hahah. YDI if you didn't use a condom.
marpay 11
Condoms don't protect against all STDs. That is why you don't have sex till you know they don't have anything.
gousafutbol 0
Yeah any skin to skin can cause STI's
TheJawsman 18
#25, that ruins all the fun of having a one-night stand, now doesn't it? Good manners for a girl that gave it up to you so quickly, though. Now, it's time to get the q-tip down your cockshaft at the clinic. Enjoy!
RainbowHeadache 2
Shouldn't have slept with her without having her get tested first if you weren't going to wrap it. I know it's a pain, but what's more painful? Getting tested or that spiffy little rash present she possibly left you? You deserve it.
tybtab 5
SMH ever heard of one night stands?
mattdm91 0
I guess you've never heard of one night stands you should try it just bring a condom
a_nutritionist 10
who says he didnt wrap it?
MoutainDrewski 0
who would want to go through the process of testing every single sex partner they have?
RainbowHeadache 2
Maybe you shouldn't have so many **** buddies then. Not everyone has one night stands. It's not that hard to not catch something.
a_nutritionist 10
agree. testing all partners is just feeding paranoia. the chances of them actually being infected are pretty damn low, and would be even lower still if we didnt live in a time that sexual openness and education is nothing more than a pipe dream
RainbowHeadache 2
And as such, if you're going to do those kind of things you have no right to complain if you catch something if you didn't take every precaution to prevent it. It's like playing Russian roulette with STDs.
a_nutritionist 10
@57 and we should all aim to live up to what you see as the way of living our lives. my apologies for thinking people should have the right to be happy when they arent bringing any harm to others.
RainbowHeadache 2
Obviously this girl brought harm to op if she did give him something. I don't see how it would feed paranoia. I'd like the comfort of knowing they don't have anything. I'd be more paranoid not knowing.
a_nutritionist 10
the act itself is non harmful, a little common sense might be nice, i really dont think i want to spell out everything for you. its feeding your paranoia because its a waste of damn time and money. you can get tested for plenty of things that are higher prevalence and a bigger concern for your health, but im betting you dont do that, yet you expect people to go around demanding partners get tested before sleeping with them? by the way, everyone has the right to complain when bad things happen, especially when its unforeseen. i hope for your sake youve never engaged in any activity knowing there is a risk of injury, then complained when you got hurt.
RainbowHeadache 2
One should expect the worst. How is it a waste of time if they do have something? I think I'd rather spend a little on a panel test then spend money on creams, pills, or what have you if I got an STD from someone. Especially if it was an STD you can't get rid of. & Tests for things such as? I do demand it of my partners and they happily oblige because they would like the same courtesy in return. Better to be safe than sorry.
a_nutritionist 10
yeah im done on this, you live in your paranoid world where everyone carries diseases and demand them to get a full screening done before you touch them, ill live in the world where i choose partners wisely and check for any signs or symptoms of problems
underguarded 20
This only applies if he's looking for a relationship which he obviously wasn't. I highly doubt anyone wants to wait a week for results of the one night stand they could have had 7 days earlier. If you're going to play around, don't be surprised if you come across some itchy balls. Hopefully the rash isn't permanent for OP.
MommaMuff 6
I really don't think it's too much to ask someone to get tested. If you're perfectly fine taking the risk of catching something because you don't take easy to-do precautions, you're asking for it. Given, if it is a one night stand, you should probably just use a condom. If you're looking for a long term relationship, get tested. If you're one of the people running around not using condoms, you're just part of the problem for the so-called "paranoid" world.
RainbowHeadache 2
People like the girl Op slept with are what make others paranoid. That & those who don't use condoms with strange girls or guys. To avoid it just don't have a one night stand then you don't risk anything as long as the people you're in a relationship with are clean. I just don't feel like I should take a chance of itchy balls for one night of mediocre sex. But I guess that's just me.
je_suis_fml 11
This thread alone and the argument against "protection" should be motivation enough for people to test their bed buddies... lackadaisical attitude about STDs? Yikes! Have we become that jaded? Google the statistics... *inspects genital* "ok, everything appears to look STD free... we can have sex now!"
MISTERxBP 0
it will be A Day To Remember :D
Bently24 6
Uh was that suppost to be a refrence to the band adtr?
mattdm91 0
What? No get out of here you're not funny
Legendslayer222 26
"I remember the day I got a rash on my private parts. The memory will stay with me for the rest of my life. And possibly the rash will too."
cece91798 3
Daaaaaaaaaamn. Sorry man.