Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up next to my boyfriend. He gazed at me, stroked my cheek, and said, "Christ, you really need something for this acne." FML
Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML
Today, I got a message from my crush, with whom I had a one night stand with a few months ago. I was really surprised and excited to see his name pop up on my phone. Turns out, he only messaged me to accuse me of giving him mono, and then he blocked me. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom after he had been in there a while. I found him with his pants down, looking at a pimple on his butt in the mirror. He asked me for, "Help." FML
Today, right before my boyfriend and I were about to have sex, he touched his butt and says, "Oh I have a butt pimple." He then went and popped it. FML
Today, after making love to my boyfriend, I went upstairs to shower. After turning it on, I found a huge pimple on my leg and the prospect of popping it excited me more than my boyfriend ever had in bed. FML
Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML
Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend asking if I'd Skype with him. Thinking he'd find my tousled bed hair and big t-shirt sexy, I went on. The first thing he noticed was the massive booger on my face that stretched from my nose to the other side of my cheek. FML
Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, "Please don't get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance." FML
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Top comments
Crackandcheese 0
If he pays that much attention to your ass? You may have a secret Butt Pirate on your hands, dude.
Kat_MS 0
#7 How do you correlate pimples with being fat? Sorry I don't see the connection.
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Comments (61)
Crackandcheese 0
If he pays that much attention to your ass? You may have a secret Butt Pirate on your hands, dude.
WholeLottaMilka 0
lmao crackandcheese secret butt pirate?xD haha stay awesome!
laylay33 6
That's actually kinda nasty and I agree with your crush!!
Kat_MS 0
#7 How do you correlate pimples with being fat? Sorry I don't see the connection.
d_dh2310 0
aww i'm sorry, i've had a pimple there before and it's awkward! don't let him judge you for THAT.. seriously?! he's an asshole, try to get over him as fast as you can.
taraaa_fml 4
why were you ******* a 4 year old?
Kat_MS 0
Lol #14 L2read. Its clearly someone they've had a crush on for 4 years. Where does it say 4 year old?
mariasaur 0
Lolol, #11 they said that their partner was a guy, so I am assuming that the poster is a girl. Maybe a gay guy, but I doubt it. He is an asshole, but maybe take his advice?
liveitlearnit 0
tons of girls get pimples on their asses. don't worry about him. a guy like that isn't worthy of your acne.
crazycar 0
Assne sucks. I've had one or two. And who says he hit it from the back. Maybe he felt it on her has during foreplay. But still, **** that dude in the goat ass! You don't need or want someone so immature.
emilycardona7 18
thumbs up for "assne"
awefjio 0
yeauhh don't really see that connection #7.
Kat_MS 0
#26, say hypothetically, those two got married earlier. And -then- had sex. How does that help the situation?