Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, "Please don't get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML
Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML
Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it said, "Sorry, I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?" FML
Today, I found out this girl I had sex with lied to me. They weren't razor burn bumps. And I now have them. FML
Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML
Today, I woke up, thinking it was going to be a good day. However, when I looked at my phone, I saw that my girlfriend had sent me an obscene number of angry messages, which are still coming in, because I forgot to say goodnight to her last night. FML
Today, I woke up to 20 unread messages from my friend asking why I sent her stuff like, “I hate you” and “Get lost” at 3 a.m. Turns out I sleep-texted during a nightmare. Now I have to grovel and apologize for something I don't even remember doing. FML
Today, my girlfriend of ten months sent me a picture message of her making out with a guy. Under it, it read, "You can pick your stuff up in the morning." FML
Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML
Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML
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Top comments
OcampoFTW 4
At least she told you bout it
danford80 0
Wow. Anytime a conversation starts with please don't be mad or we need to talk it never ends well!!
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Comments (207)
VikingPrincess19_fml 9
How about using a condom when having one night stands?
Naeeboo 4
Dayum, she oh hell no, lol she shoulda said she couldn't have sex cus she gotta rash. she so triflin
iNb4 0
Chop it off:)
XCraig 0
You know what they say: what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Except herpes... That shit'll stay with you forever.
cjgqsmooth 0
YDI for not using a condom... at least she gave you a nice going away gift lol
Nhk_fml 4
It's called a ******* condom.... Unless It is oral sex
AmazingLadyy13 0
Sigh. I'm sorry, man. That's pretty shitty.
jadejazmyn 5
I'm so sorry sterling. FYI people even if he wore a condom unless she was the one wearing the condom he still can get infected. a females genital area is larger than a man's meaning she has more infected areas if infected and seeing that the male privates r only covered at the head and shaft he would still get a rash on the areas around the penis. think ppl. gosh.
jadejazmyn 5
ok nhk. u do need a condom for oral sex. hello you can get stds in your mouth. go read a book. oh and if u didn't know also in your eye. think about that before u let someone or u yourself screw someone then come on their face. stupid humans. u all need sex ed. read books it could save your life.
biggyd97 0
Hope you used a condom