Today, my parents' divorce was finalized, and my mother decided to publicly celebrate with a bikini wax. She calls it her "Declaration of Independence". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after much debate, I let my mom wax my eyebrows. Now I get to look super surprised until they grow back. FML
Today, I found out my mom was a swinger when I opened a closet and saw a water bottle saying something with "Swinger Club" on it, with three bags beside it with all kinds of shit in it. She's also doing pole dancing "as a sport" and wanted to have one installed in our living room. My parents divorced just a couple of months ago. FML
Today, my mom ended up having a midlife crisis. She decided it was finally time to get those tight leather pants that she has always wanted, and is now planning on putting a stripper pole in her room. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom trying to wax her butt. FML
Today, my mom let it slip that she was divorcing my dad. After making me promise to keep it from him and my little sisters, she had me help her with her plans to renovate the house. She intends to kick him out once it's done. FML
Today, my 70-year-old grandmother held a celebration over officially having divorced my grandfather. FML
Today, my mom and my step dad decided they're getting a divorce. They've been married for 2 weeks and I paid for a quarter of the wedding. FML
Today, my mom publicly pole danced. In a playground. FML
Today, my mother threatened to disown me if I didn't break up with my tattooed girlfriend. FML
Today, for the fourth time this week, I witnessed my mother dancing around the house naked. Apparently, she is loosening up her "inner nudist" and isn't planning on stopping any time soon. FML
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Top comments
Iamnotmyself 17
We, the people of the beach, are slightly less disgusted if you bikini bottom falls off, thank you.
babygirlc1 5
It's about time she shaved the bush
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Comments (71)
babygirlc1 5
It's about time she shaved the bush
Feklfekl2222 32
Just yeurgh
zachherbert 10
I wonder who's gonna sign this declaration.
hockey199813 5
Haha
Dalliance 4
When I read "publicly celebrate", I pictured her having a bikini wax in front of all her friends at a party.
ripgeorgecarl1n 7
How patriotic.
poostool 5
There's nothing hotter than rubbing hot semen into a bald vag.
cudi504 4
Maybe the jungle was a reason your dad left
MissBunnyWillEat 11
Her ex-husband's snake kept getting caught in her bush. that's why they got divorced.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Because it just would be far too difficult to wax it instead of getting divorced.
lilwaynerockz_fml 12
He went hunting in the jungle and got tired of it. So he left.
iluvboobies 9
celebrate pubicly
enonymous 9
16 John Hancock will sign that
cdbank3 0
I'd bang ya
zachherbert 10
What about Billy Footpenis?
fakeaccountX 6
I'd say she pubicly celebrated.
Iamnotmyself 17
We, the people of the beach, are slightly less disgusted if you bikini bottom falls off, thank you.
futtbuck101 1
Give me a razor or give me death!
slushpup9696 12
Life, liberty, and the pursuit of cleanliness down there.
iluvboobies 9
Watch out for your deodorant stick, OP! It might get "borrowed" to fight razor bumps, ya know.
cali_dude 5
She's single and ready to mingle. Who can blame her? ;)
tellithowitis 13
58 your eyebrows look like caterpillars ?
tarabelle 7
69- why do you care?
cardinallove 11
58, exactly! Good for OP's mom :)
Miss_Pink4465 10
#69, your nose is ugly, don't like being bullied do you?
juicy_extasy 25
She'll be shopping for a new husband.
HomeAl0ne 20
If you are selling your house it pays to trim the hedges and manicure the lawns.
UnfOrg1ven 1
thats really unusal
cheetahcake19 0
I love ur pic. I LOVE assassin's creed
minisquid 9
What is "unusal"? Is it one of those newfangled "hip and hop" bands?
Runninvegan 8
I guess your dad isint dipping his pen in that decleration anymore...
juicy_extasy 25
Epic comment! lol
iluvboobies 9
What is it gonna get signed with? Ink? Blood? No?... oh, I know!
supermankisses 1
Win!
nixter5 18
These replies fail.
jillianmathers12 13
Why are all the recent FML's about weird parents?
Ray_of_midnight 23
Because my generation of weirdos, who were by and large teenagers in the 80s, are now old enough to have kids who are old enough to post to FML. :-/ /no kids //would have made a crappy parent
jillianmathers12 13
I need to say: Amazing Answer
hockey199813 5
Your mom is a bitch
jillianmathers12 13
How exactly is she a bitch??
22cute 17
My thoughts exactly. My other thought is how does this F your life? How is this about you at all? Sure, you love your Dad but don't you want your Mom to be happy & "free" too?
lmaoatall 6
Maybe her husband was an abusive drunken low life! Maybe he's the bitch, and she finally declared her freedom by bush wacking and prepin for long over due pleasure. And yes, men too can be bitches!
yadisingh 5
Or maybe her mom is going through menopause? And her dad's having his midlife crisis. That shit will mess errrryyythang up!
Epsilonyx 15
Is she insinuating that your dad liked it untamed? Sounds like your dad's fault.
darknova131 4
Hahahaha hi people!
MangoRico1 1
Smooth move...,
Al_HyLo 5
doesn't she mean pubic-ly announce