Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, "Please don't get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML
Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML
Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it said, "Sorry, I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?" FML
Today, I found out this girl I had sex with lied to me. They weren't razor burn bumps. And I now have them. FML
Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML
Today, I woke up, thinking it was going to be a good day. However, when I looked at my phone, I saw that my girlfriend had sent me an obscene number of angry messages, which are still coming in, because I forgot to say goodnight to her last night. FML
Today, I woke up to 20 unread messages from my friend asking why I sent her stuff like, “I hate you” and “Get lost” at 3 a.m. Turns out I sleep-texted during a nightmare. Now I have to grovel and apologize for something I don't even remember doing. FML
Today, my girlfriend of ten months sent me a picture message of her making out with a guy. Under it, it read, "You can pick your stuff up in the morning." FML
Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML
Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML
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Top comments
OcampoFTW 4
At least she told you bout it
danford80 0
Wow. Anytime a conversation starts with please don't be mad or we need to talk it never ends well!!
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Comments (207)
skatergirl33 0
haha nice to know u slept with a **** huh? jk tht sucks man! wtf!
tima07 1
lol dumb ****
tamoodielovesmar 1
well at least now you'll be expecting one. time to get the rash cream!
FlyingLazerWALRU 0
"I'm gonorrhea, and that's a fact! If you can't say that, just call me clap! I wait in genitals, just like a trap, and burn up lovers, like bacon fat!"
SittingInTheSky 6
ANNNDDDDDDD let the puns begin!!!!! Did you get the rash?
KasaraEm13 12
Dude, the puns started 181 comments before you commented.
picturescrazy 24
YDI for willingly sleeping with a girl that's most likely a **** and not wearing a condom. Uh, no shit that if she puts out easy for you, she probably does it for other dudes. Hope your night of riding bareback was worth the possible STI.
rasta_pasta 4
Well aren't you miss goody-two-shoes, I'm glad that there are people like you who have no problem judging others for not obeying their sacred social mores.
savethesunlight 10
Awh, what a bitch for doing that, like seriously in a text.
nikidilla1 5
Shittttty!!!
mzwhitaker85 0
okay that's just straight up nasty... from the sounds of it this is a big you deserved it because one you messed with a nasty hore and two you did not cover your junk with rubber
queenb1621 21
sorry to hear that good luck to you.