Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject of abuse came up and I told her that if her father ever hurt her I would cut his dick off. The next thing I hear is, "Don't say shit you can't back up!" Her father had picked up the phone the moment I'd said it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I overheard my dickhead dad telling my girlfriend that she's too good for me, then asking if she really wants to settle for someone like me. FML
You have been warned
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML
Hi there
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it, I whispered in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I then heard behind me, "I am." FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML
Today, my dad overheard me and my girlfriend having a very personal conversation. His response was to burst into the room and ground me for a month for failing to get her to orgasm the last 3 times we had sex. FML
Love and threats
Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend and when he answered, I said the dirtiest thing I could think of to him on the phone. After a long silence, I heard, "Lacey? Is that you?" I accidentally called my dad. FML
Top comments
Doortje 30
If he didn't abuse her, shouldn't he be glad his daughter's boyfriend is -in a weird and somewhat violent way- looking out for her?
singer4life666 0
I guess you aren't going over there ever.
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Comments (108)
singer4life666 0
I guess you aren't going over there ever.
daaron 3
haha your right about that the guy is probably emo gonna end cutting his own dick off before the dad does FYL Dude and Lol to ya
JManHobbs 0
What are you even saying?
theten_fml 9
i couldn't of had said it better myself number 10
thelastavailable 13
34# Oh believe me, you could HAVE.
icecreamdriveby 5
I think I'd be pretty pissed off and offended if my boyfriend told me he'd cut off my dads dick if he was abusive.. There was no need to even say it, if it wasn't actually happening.
TheOptimist 0
58 - You would be pissed, other girls wouldn't. Some girls like that sense of security, others are just offended. Of course, I am not a woman so I wouldn't know like you do, =).
fairuhrose 0
what a weird dad
stacster 0
why the hell would cutting his dick off be the first thing in your head anyway??some one hits you an u go straight for his penis!
Jizwold 0
I think they were talking about sexual abuse
TheOptimist 0
Agreed. Either daddy is very strong, or his dick is already gone.
CaroAurelia 12
I wonder if he was referring to sexual abuse.
Doortje 30
If he didn't abuse her, shouldn't he be glad his daughter's boyfriend is -in a weird and somewhat violent way- looking out for her?
felipe87 2
the way I read that the dad didn't hear that part
TheOptimist 0
There is no logical way to say that without the father hearing the subject of him abusing her. None I can think of anyway, except maybe if the OP said, "If your dad ever did that to you I would cut his dick off." But even from this, it would seem that the father would assume that if he ever sexually abused his daughter this would happen to him. Also, I don't think anyone really ever wants someone to threaten them, no matter what the situation is. To be threatened if you ever hurt your child is insulting to people who have never abused them.
FYLDeep 26
Why would you say that? Even if her dad abused her, that's a stupid thing to say.
badbe 0
You sir have mental defects that don't allow you to think that people can care about one another enough to physically protect them? oh, haha that's right, you wouldn't know would you(:
allmidnighteyes 11
There's a very fine line between protective and crazy. You have successfully blurred that line, Ms. badbe.
Arraggatis 0
#6, I don't think you should say anyone has a mental defect. FYLDeep never said there is something wrong with physically protecting someone. He simply said that "cutting his dick off" is a stupid thing to say, which I agree on. There are more practical ways to protect someone you care for.
Draminicaus 0
I'm sure he does. There are obviously better things that could've been said than "...cut his dick off." Like, "If he ever hurts you, I'll run away with you." You could also say something like, "He'll regret the day he ever lays a hand on you." My personal favorite is, "If he puts one finger on you, he'll get a size 13 boot surgically implanted into his intestines by Dr. Drammy."
Gunz24 0
youre right. that was stupid. I'd say if he hurt her I'd send someone to visit him =] . maybe several someones.
macskapingvin 0
Do unto others as you would have them do to you. Unless you'd fancy someone takin' a knife to your own, don't be layin' a finger on another man's todger (unless you're gay, in which case that's totally cool).
TheZarola 10
It really IS stupid. Whenever someone says that they'll do something like that, majority of the time they really won't. That's also a potentially threatening statement, and now it's been saved forever because the OP said it in a phone call.
SnoochBoochie 14
#6 that would be a very obscure way to physically protect someone.
needleinmypants_fml 3
Well then back it up! He is right and YDI. He should cut your minisule thing for talking crap.
AmyhSixx 0
Her dad is weird...
TheAftermath 0
Now you have to stay away from her dad.
kbourco 0
awkward...
gunman15 4
if that was one of my girls I would have smash the dads face in for being abusive to his daughter
muldrowe 6
hahaha, ONE of your girls! lol'd fo sho
missjadexxsgtc 0
Well he's right. I mean if your posting a FML obviously you can't back it up. If you could back up your words then you would have no reason to post this.
Draminicaus 0
Point for her. ^
willsohn 0
DIRTY!!!!!