Today, I woke up in jail charged with a DWI. I wasn't drinking last night and the only thing I remember is taking my prescription sleep medicine and lying down. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
Today, I went to spend time with friends. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in my bed with several blocked contacts and text messages, saying that what I did was unacceptable. No drugs or alcohol were involved, and I have no memory of this. FML
Today, I woke up in jail. Apparently I incorrectly recited the alphabet, complete with singing “Now I know my ABC’s, won’t you come and play with me…” during a sobriety test. I wasn’t driving. I don’t even own a car. FML
Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML
Today, I had to be bailed out of the local police station while hungover. I don’t remember any of it but I got so drunk yesterday I apparently went and took a shit on my cheating ex wife’s grave in front of witnesses, and was arrested while trying to stumble my way home. FML
Today, I got charged with drink driving, without even driving my car. FML
Today, I was arrested for DWI in my own apartment complex. I had to be released into the custody of a sober adult, but I wasn't allowed access to my phone to get any numbers. I only have a few memorized. So I was picked up from jail by my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé - my manager at work. FML
Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML
Today, I had to go to court to see whether my driver's license is suspended for an entire year. I woke up early, went to court, and everything went perfectly, with all the charges being dropped. Unfortunately, I then woke up, and am now going to be late. FML
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Top comments
br0ccoli 15
Did you make a toast on top of Ceasar's Palace in Vegas? Check for tigers.
Alastrina_fml 20
I think there is WAY more to this
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Comments (164)
tweeter910 0
Damn sounds like my sleep medication
acetheone 8
sorry OP, i will keep my LSD in a properly marked container next time.
sneeze_watch 19
Definitely sounds like an Ambien trip. Where is DocBastard when you need him?!
Lysergic 0
Ah good old benzo blackouts...Fun times
hamtaro331 0
I thought it was "DUI" what's "DWI"
StreetReaper 9
DUI = Driving Under the Influence This can be any mind altering substance DWI = Driving While Intoxicated Alcohol related events only.
xStaciexLynnx 15
Actually I could be wrong but I'm pretty sure you can be considered intoxicated on any substance (alcohol, drugs, sleeping pills) that alters your actions. And I think DWI is the updated version of DUI? That may be a complete lie but I swear I remember a conversation where someone was bitching that it got changed needlessly.
StreetReaper 9
DWI is the old term. It was updated to Driving While Impaired. Intoxicated is used solely for alcohol in these instances. Impaired can be used for all substances. There is a difference between DUI and DWI. Someone can be driving under the influence of a substance, but not be impaired. A career alcoholic with a 0.08 BAC is under the influence but not necessarily impaired. A teen on their way home from a party with the same level will most likely be severely impaired. Both people are similarly intoxicated and under the influence, but only one is impaired.
funnyman227 0
Dafuq?
perdix 31
That's a well-known side effect of Ambien. If your doctor didn't make you aware of this possibility . . . lawsuit.
darkgodxvx 4
Pharmacist is the better bet here. In most cases it is up to the pharmacist to attach FDA mandated labels and provide appropriate information regarding effects, interactions and possible side-effects. So if the pharmacist failed to provide any of those, then by all means, sue away.
darkgodxvx 4
Ambien walrus strikes again ;3. FYL op.... DUI even while on scripto'd meds is still a DUI unfortunately.
NotInTheMoodShoo 0
Only if it's a controlled substance... I dont believe that includes ambien
darkgodxvx 4
Somehow Ambien falls in the category of "Drug" and most DUI/DWI law states that the operator of a motor vehicle not be impaired by alcohol or, this is key, drugs. Now what constitutes a drug is often left to the interpretation of the presiding judge. To my knowledge, the "Ambien defense" has not been successful, especially since narcotic prescription bottles are FDA required to possess a label stating that it is unadvisable to operate machinery. Thus OP went against medical advice and "chose" to drive. OP's beat bet is to get a good lawyer and a sympathetic judge and try to get it knocked to "reckless". For all sleepwalkers : keep your car keys in a lockbox when taking benzodiazepines or z-drugs!
berossm 7
Ambien walrus.
Nursewilly 0
Pillows in the oven and purse in the fridge anyone? No "I'll kill you Leonard Nemoy" or "The clown has NO penis" jokes??