Today, I woke up in jail charged with a DWI. I wasn't drinking last night and the only thing I remember is taking my prescription sleep medicine and lying down. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
Today, I went to spend time with friends. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in my bed with several blocked contacts and text messages, saying that what I did was unacceptable. No drugs or alcohol were involved, and I have no memory of this. FML
Today, I woke up in jail. Apparently I incorrectly recited the alphabet, complete with singing “Now I know my ABC’s, won’t you come and play with me…” during a sobriety test. I wasn’t driving. I don’t even own a car. FML
Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML
Today, I had to be bailed out of the local police station while hungover. I don’t remember any of it but I got so drunk yesterday I apparently went and took a shit on my cheating ex wife’s grave in front of witnesses, and was arrested while trying to stumble my way home. FML
Today, I got charged with drink driving, without even driving my car. FML
Today, I was arrested for DWI in my own apartment complex. I had to be released into the custody of a sober adult, but I wasn't allowed access to my phone to get any numbers. I only have a few memorized. So I was picked up from jail by my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé - my manager at work. FML
Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML
Today, I had to go to court to see whether my driver's license is suspended for an entire year. I woke up early, went to court, and everything went perfectly, with all the charges being dropped. Unfortunately, I then woke up, and am now going to be late. FML
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Top comments
br0ccoli 15
Did you make a toast on top of Ceasar's Palace in Vegas? Check for tigers.
Alastrina_fml 20
I think there is WAY more to this
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Comments (164)
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Might want to check out the small script on the bottle that says side effects may include.
catytoto 5
This can happen while taking ambien
dansco 25
Sounds like ballacks to me, to get a DUI they would do some tests like a blood test so you really swigged a bottle of sleeping vodka and got caught!!!
unmagickalhippie 10
lol bottle of sleeping vodka...thats hilarious.
imfat96 4
I'm going to assume that it probably wasn't sleeping medicine
photogirl69 0
How did you post this from jail… hehehhehhe liars FTW!!
laurenmacias 0
I hope there were no "wet" dreams
sacredeye73 11
Gotta love Ambien. I like to sleep text ex boyfriends :-(
SNICKERZforKYLE 4
I want what you poppin'
writergirl23 19
You should be able to sue them successfully then. Keep the packets prescription letter etc.
chengy4191 7
Change in medicine or pharmacies perhaps? Maybe even a new doctor? O.o