Today, I woke up in jail charged with a DWI. I wasn't drinking last night and the only thing I remember is taking my prescription sleep medicine and lying down. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
Today, I went to spend time with friends. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in my bed with several blocked contacts and text messages, saying that what I did was unacceptable. No drugs or alcohol were involved, and I have no memory of this. FML
Today, I woke up in jail. Apparently I incorrectly recited the alphabet, complete with singing “Now I know my ABC’s, won’t you come and play with me…” during a sobriety test. I wasn’t driving. I don’t even own a car. FML
Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML
Today, I had to be bailed out of the local police station while hungover. I don’t remember any of it but I got so drunk yesterday I apparently went and took a shit on my cheating ex wife’s grave in front of witnesses, and was arrested while trying to stumble my way home. FML
Today, I got charged with drink driving, without even driving my car. FML
Today, I was arrested for DWI in my own apartment complex. I had to be released into the custody of a sober adult, but I wasn't allowed access to my phone to get any numbers. I only have a few memorized. So I was picked up from jail by my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé - my manager at work. FML
Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML
Today, I had to go to court to see whether my driver's license is suspended for an entire year. I woke up early, went to court, and everything went perfectly, with all the charges being dropped. Unfortunately, I then woke up, and am now going to be late. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
br0ccoli 15
Did you make a toast on top of Ceasar's Palace in Vegas? Check for tigers.
Alastrina_fml 20
I think there is WAY more to this
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (164)
lajaynay 15
Hangover moment.
asherm 15
Some of those pills have warnings that you can do things in your sleep and have no memory of it
MrGroovy28 7
Someone is depriving us of the entire story. Either way you will be slapped with a DUI in your case which can be a arduous and timely process. You might as well go all out until your court/sentencing date because after that you will be regretting life.
BobbieH 19
You shouldn't thumb this down, it's true. I spent 77 days in county jail under the same circumstances as well as 2 years worth of probation hell. Driving on ambien happens a lot and in a lot of cases it ends poorly. I went to sleep expecting to get some rest and woke up as I was being booked at the police station. Honestly it's really scary.
Llamacod 11
No, I think it pretty much sums up the story.
kristylynnk 3
I was just reading about this in a magazine article. Apparently if you kill someone while on ambien (in a car wreck), you're more likely to walk away with no jail time. Which some people might feel that the drug taker deserves whatever they get, but when my doc prescribed me ambien, he failed to mention "hypnotic like side effects" and if you don't fall asleep right away like you mentioned, 20 or so minutes later you're wondering around through your forest or having sex on a beach. Don't take it!
KaelaKhaotic 5
You must have taken your medication with vodka.
indiablue 4
Or did your friend just roofie you?
OfficeNinja 5
That sucks. Hopefully, the cops pulled blood - that test will show no alcohol, and no drugs other than the sleep medication. Then a good lawyer (or even a so-so lawyer) should be able to get you a sentence reduction. Remember, it's not the police who charge you. The state attorney has to do that. The police arrest you on suspicion of whatever, but that alone does not prove guilt.
thiscrazything 1
Damn, I would love to see that police video.
gracehi 33
That's why I refused an ambian prescription from my therapist...
acetheone 8
mike tyson called, he wants he's tiger back. fyl op.
acetheone 8
*his*
M0NK3Yz 2
hahaha you must be black