Today, I woke up in jail charged with a DWI. I wasn't drinking last night and the only thing I remember is taking my prescription sleep medicine and lying down. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
Today, I went to spend time with friends. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in my bed with several blocked contacts and text messages, saying that what I did was unacceptable. No drugs or alcohol were involved, and I have no memory of this. FML
Today, I woke up in jail. Apparently I incorrectly recited the alphabet, complete with singing “Now I know my ABC’s, won’t you come and play with me…” during a sobriety test. I wasn’t driving. I don’t even own a car. FML
Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML
Today, I had to be bailed out of the local police station while hungover. I don’t remember any of it but I got so drunk yesterday I apparently went and took a shit on my cheating ex wife’s grave in front of witnesses, and was arrested while trying to stumble my way home. FML
Today, I got charged with drink driving, without even driving my car. FML
Today, I was arrested for DWI in my own apartment complex. I had to be released into the custody of a sober adult, but I wasn't allowed access to my phone to get any numbers. I only have a few memorized. So I was picked up from jail by my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé - my manager at work. FML
Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML
Today, I had to go to court to see whether my driver's license is suspended for an entire year. I woke up early, went to court, and everything went perfectly, with all the charges being dropped. Unfortunately, I then woke up, and am now going to be late. FML
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Top comments
br0ccoli 15
Did you make a toast on top of Ceasar's Palace in Vegas? Check for tigers.
Alastrina_fml 20
I think there is WAY more to this
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Comments (164)
betseyville 6
DWI's and DUI's aren't just for alcohol. Any mind-altering substance can get you arrested, if you're driving.
Marteeny23 19
DUI's are for other substances the "I" stands for influence, DWI's are for alcohol hence the intoxication part.
KiRaKaT 9
Intoxication doesn't always mean alcohol is involved...you can be intoxicated from medications, drugs or alcohol
mattorama 15
You can get intoxicated from WATER.
KeyboardWarrior 10
Be right back, gotta test something.
AngryBeaver32 8
I picture OP walking around town like the guy from weekend at Bernie's.
ungawd 3
I thought of the same thing lol
berichsoon 11
Do u have any witnesses??
ilovefall10 21
Ah I see you fell victim to sleep medication. My dad use to take some medication and one night he went outside and walked thourgh a pile of logs. So, I can only image that the medicine made you sleep walk to your car and you drove around some . Thus the cop noitced you and arrested you. People do crazy stuff in their sleep. Even murder. It's creepy.
GoldenGrizzly 7
Your poem is beautiful.
friedbunnies 9
Why does this look like a free verse poem?
GoldenGrizzly 7
Because he wrote his comment like he is a badass by disregarding the way sentences are structured.
TravisTJC 0
You took ambien didn't you
MrGroovy28 7
Ambien is not only a great pharmaceutical for sleep but many people experience delightful side effects such as hallucinations and black outs lol
RadGirl212 4
The side effects of ambien are not delightful at all! I've been known to yell at my husband and kick him out of bed, go outside to my car naked to get a pack of cigarettes then proceed to smoke, but the worst one is when I turn my alarm clock completely off and don't get up in the morning. I had to stop taking it. I know it helps a lot of people, but I think the side effects are worse than the issue of not being able to get to sleep.
KeyboardWarrior 10
He didn't literally mean delightful... So... Yeah...
Candice0687 0
That sucks it must of been ambien be careful that stuff makes people do some seriously crazy stuff and you don't remember because their is something in the medicine to make you forget.
Llamacod 11
Yes, its called sleep
xStaciexLynnx 15
No, 80. It's a conspiracy!!! They put drugs in the sleeping pill to make people forget all the crazy things they do. Because, you know, when you sleep walk/ talk without the influence of a sleeping pill you ALWAYS remember what you did. Duh.
GoldenGrizzly 7
As someone who has medically documented sleep walking (and I have my whole life) I can tell you that a "side effect" of sleep walking WITHOUT medication is that you have a form of amnesia and do not remember anything you do. You don't remember your dreams, the weird shit you do, or have control of your actions. This is why some people can get away with 'sleep' murdering people because they are not in control of their actions.
Bladian 5
Um. She...?
AFailedWorld 3
Friend was on ambien. She woke her son up in the middle of the night and cooked an entire dinner for him all while asleep. Freaked the kid out.
thiscrazything 1
Read the labels, some of these drugs can be dangerous. Know your risks, before you take them.
mrtjawesome 14
at least you didnt tie up an asian and put him in the trunk of your car or piss in mike tysons pool
hnw1213 3
That can happen with sleep medication. You end up doing things you don't remember. People have been know to eat, drive, and even have sex on that kind of medication and not remember it. Read the label. It will tell you this. Guarantee it.