Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML
Today, I woke up extremely hung over on a friend's couch after a night of heavy drinking and partying. To my horror, I discovered that, in my drunken state, I'd allowed said friend's six-year-old daughter to trim my hair. I now have a bowl cut. FML
Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML
Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of New Year's Eve partying. I remember the night going great. What I don't remember is laying naked in the shower while my girlfriend ran water over my body to make me feel better. I also made my own funeral plans because I was convinced I was going to die. FML
Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML
Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML
Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn't find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML
Today, I fell asleep at a party. I farted so loud that I woke myself up. Everyone heard. FML
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Top comments
mpsteve137 15
Wtf, you're supposed to use conditioner to do that. Duh
unknown_user5566 27
Oh, we've totally all been there. Took me a while of frustrating failed drunken attempts before I realized I didn't have a penis.
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Comments (118)
smump 0
Try Miracle-Gro. Plants aren't the only things that benefit from it.
hecallsmedarlin 7
Why didn't you just get bed bugs? I heard it makes girls **** a size bigger....might very well do the same for your penis.
hecallsmedarlin 7
Oh damn, didn't notice someone beat me to this thought til now. Dang it.
nerdsgetmehot 23
Oh dude. If you were THAT drunk, you deserve it. :P
lovethycookies 0
Well Op just get attaked by a zombie so you can become one since we all know that zombies have no feelings and the lack of your penis size will not bother you anymore and also zombies cant get drunk.
uumlaut_strohson 3
and no one drew a **** and balls on your face?!
singingindasnow 0
If anyone brings it up sober, just casually say that it worked. And if they want proof? Their the wierdos
isamisis 9
You confirmed that the stupid become stupider when drunk.
ceegee415 5
Ydi for letting yourself get that wasted.
BobbieH 19
Wow YDI! You can't handle your liquor, so I would suggest you moderate better in the future. However, I'm sure you were loads of entertainment for those around you!
anarchist884 9
Well the more you know. Sounded reasonable and scientific to me ;)