Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML
Today, I woke up extremely hung over on a friend's couch after a night of heavy drinking and partying. To my horror, I discovered that, in my drunken state, I'd allowed said friend's six-year-old daughter to trim my hair. I now have a bowl cut. FML
Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML
Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of New Year's Eve partying. I remember the night going great. What I don't remember is laying naked in the shower while my girlfriend ran water over my body to make me feel better. I also made my own funeral plans because I was convinced I was going to die. FML
Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML
Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML
Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn't find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML
Today, I fell asleep at a party. I farted so loud that I woke myself up. Everyone heard. FML
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Top comments
mpsteve137 15
Wtf, you're supposed to use conditioner to do that. Duh
unknown_user5566 27
Oh, we've totally all been there. Took me a while of frustrating failed drunken attempts before I realized I didn't have a penis.
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Comments (118)
titio_fml 1
U have to use head & shoulders otherwise it won't work
bagelpie 6
Did it work?
jtjtjt 1
Word tends to spread fast when you put that information on social media sites...
PoppaSoda 5
How lame are you? You wear the lamp shade before that??
HeartOfLead 24
Ecstasy anyone?
knllamasrfail 0
Dude that shit actually works... Just sayin
mastodon33metal 7
Dude what.
evie779 5
no one needs tomknow about your ******* disguesting peinus you ass wide and im 10 and your talking about your disguesting penius you ugly mother ****** and the size no one needs to know the god dawn ******* size you ******* ass wide why dont you go **** obama's little pussy hole and see if it could fit in and if it fit and you can ttake it out they'll have to ******* cut off your god dawn penius and itll stay there forever in oboma's pussy hole you crack head so go **** yourself
sugarbear0727 19
Oh my god. I about died laughing.
sarah2144 14
Wow. Well at least this makes what I did last night when I was drunk seem less embarrassing.