Today, I woke up after a few friends came over last night. There are eggs, coins and Oreos glued to the ceiling, 10 broken jars, no food left, and most of the contents of my house are in the garden. And I'm naked and covered in permanent marker drawings of Pokémon. My parents return in an hour. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read, "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML
Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML
Today, due to an incident with the dishwasher, a coat rack and my bathrobe, I ended up locked out of my house, naked as a jaybird. I had to hide in the backyard for several hours until my family got home from their various activities to get back in. They still haven't stopped laughing at me. FML
Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML
Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML
Today, I hosted an open house. I forgot about it and arrived as they were leaving. There were dirty dishes and laundry everywhere, and my dildo was on my dresser. FML
Today, I got home to the smell of permanent marker and the discovery that my roommate's little sister had drawn flower petals around every polka dot she could reach on my walls. I just put up the wallpaper last weekend. FML
Today, my parents got back from their weekend ski trip. I had a few parties over the weekend and had cleaned up absolutely EVERYTHING; beer cans, throw up, spilled drinks, etc. The only thing I forgot about was the condom someone left in my parents bed. FML
Today, my friends came over to my house to eat my food and make fun of me as they played on my Xbox. FML
Today, after a grueling business trip, my husband and I came home to all our furniture broken, every window smashed, all the floors scratched and carpets ripped, all our electronics stolen, and all our food and booze gone. What happened? Our son held a party and invited literally everyone he could from campus. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DHoffmann 9
Perfect situation to just yell "****".
ariannaimelda 7
Instead of writing an FML you could be cleaning! Priorities my friend
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (182)
Cookie_box 6
Those are NOT your friends!! Real friends would not destroy your house, but help clean it of the (accidental) mess. Also, keep in mind rule#1, don't get very drunk if the party's at your place! YDI
SteveTheJanitor 6
This person may be lying. They may not have any friends and just made it look like she did. Lolz
Cookie_box 6
Also, this FML sounds too epic to be real
BiGD3317 0
Shouldn't have passed out with your shoes on!!
loserthegreat 11
i think the pokemon drawings is the best bit, as even if you clean up everything else, youre still walking around with permanent marker evidence
AvikC818 8
Rubbing alcohol removes marker
loserthegreat 11
ah rookies, they never remember rule 1 :D
Im_just_lost 2
sound like hangover movie
Kenneth08 0
sounds like my 18th birthday only i woke up naked on a kitchen counter wareing only a cowboy hat and had no idea whos house i was in. Gooood times.
30STMlove 0
Damn... make sure I'm at the party next time.
laboa86 0
What the **** u taking I want some of it
texas_redneck88 10
LMFAO sounds like it was one helluva night