Today, I woke up after a few friends came over last night. There are eggs, coins and Oreos glued to the ceiling, 10 broken jars, no food left, and most of the contents of my house are in the garden. And I'm naked and covered in permanent marker drawings of Pokémon. My parents return in an hour. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read, "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML
Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML
Today, due to an incident with the dishwasher, a coat rack and my bathrobe, I ended up locked out of my house, naked as a jaybird. I had to hide in the backyard for several hours until my family got home from their various activities to get back in. They still haven't stopped laughing at me. FML
Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML
Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML
Today, I hosted an open house. I forgot about it and arrived as they were leaving. There were dirty dishes and laundry everywhere, and my dildo was on my dresser. FML
Today, I got home to the smell of permanent marker and the discovery that my roommate's little sister had drawn flower petals around every polka dot she could reach on my walls. I just put up the wallpaper last weekend. FML
Today, my parents got back from their weekend ski trip. I had a few parties over the weekend and had cleaned up absolutely EVERYTHING; beer cans, throw up, spilled drinks, etc. The only thing I forgot about was the condom someone left in my parents bed. FML
Today, my friends came over to my house to eat my food and make fun of me as they played on my Xbox. FML
Today, after a grueling business trip, my husband and I came home to all our furniture broken, every window smashed, all the floors scratched and carpets ripped, all our electronics stolen, and all our food and booze gone. What happened? Our son held a party and invited literally everyone he could from campus. FML
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Top comments
DHoffmann 9
Perfect situation to just yell "****".
ariannaimelda 7
Instead of writing an FML you could be cleaning! Priorities my friend
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Comments (182)
Maynyrd 0
Awesome job picking your friends. I wish my friends hated me that much.
BeibertSmitor 10
Pictures of last night ended up online, I'm screwed. Oh well. It's a blacked out blurb but I'm pretty sure it ruled. Damn. Last Friday night.
smartguy13v 2
First off, you must have had one hell of a night. Hope it was worth it. Alright, but now you have to clean up, my best advice is to move everything inside, get your friends out, and go grab a chisel or a razor and check the garage for a ladder and some spare paint, pop the Oreos and coins and paint over to mask the missing paint. Now go grab a long sleeve shirt, and some pants and when your parents get home tell them you were very hungry and ate all the food. Hope this helps.
xCherryx94 0
Look like you had a great night :) but this is where the big quesation come in "where the BROOM ?" ..... Lol better start cleaning.
yaitsabovavrage 0
Dude.. I wanna party with you
lionlvr 9
Did you have fun?
heartsxoxo 1
if that wasnt fun, i would hate to see what would happen if it was! lol
Kornlover 9
Jigglypuff hates it when people fall asleep while she's singing.
bogoldogg 0
sounds like a great fing nite
kitsune3 20
Why are there so many ydi's on this? It's not OP's fault their friends decided to be assholes.
night_saint 5
I'm so partying at your house