Today, I went to the hospital with a broken hand. They gave me a cast and some prescription pain medication. The only problem is that the bottle of medication is child-proof, I live alone and I can't open it with one hand. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tore a muscle in my back. At the hospital, I was prescribed some pain medication. My husband got me settled at home, with everything I needed within reach, and left for work. As I picked up the bottle to take the first pill, I knocked it on the floor. It rolled under the couch. FML
Today, my doctor finally prescribed me some medication for my arthritis. The cap was insanely well-secured, and my hands were too racked with pain to get it off. FML
Today, I struggled to open a childproof bottle, which, by the way, had the instructions printed on the lid. FML.
Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML
Today, while helping a child through a tantrum, I was kicked and my hand broke. The bone is completely in half and fixing it will require plates, screws, and surgery along with months of recovery. Another day on the job. FML
Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my arm. I went into hospital to get it put in a cast, but still went into school afterwards. I got written up for truancy because I didn't have a doctor's note. The cast was still on my arm. FML
Today, my doctor called and asked me when I could have my broken hand x-rayed again. I said the ER staff had told me it was a bad sprain over two weeks ago. I'm now in a full cast, and have to have my partially healed bones re-broken. There goes my summer. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch with a cast on my broken ankle. My brother thought it would be funny to shoot my cast with a high-powered pellet gun. It went straight through the cast and now I need to go back to the hospital. FML
Today, after years of being terrified of those biscuit cans that pop when you unwrap them, I finally decided I'd open one myself. I'm sitting in the hospital with a sliced hand from the lid and can feel therapy in my future. FML
Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML
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Top comments
klol_fml 11
thats not very handy
minichu 4
I think the best solution is hold the bottle between your thighs while sitting down and then twist the cap. Seems like it might work. Good luck!
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Comments (202)
dropahint 0
Zomgness first lol sorry
MwahFMLS 6
lol
EpicPear 0
Use that big mouth of yours... ;) Or just use your armpits that would work too.
klol_fml 11
thats not very handy
hypuuurness 6
hahahaha
EpicPear 0
Just use your armpits?
deviable 9
Well there is a type of "pain killer" that can be performed with one hand...
Nosrebor 8
Lets give OP a hand!
Michael_Kelso 0
Just tried opening three different child proof caps with one hand. Succeeded. Not sure what op's problem is.
THE_A_TEEN 28
#34, The op is experiencing pain, hence the pain killers. You did it ok, but you didn't suffer the pain she is experiencing...
JocelynKaulitz 28
Put it in between your knees and then try opening it with your available hand…or mouth?
LiyIa_fml 8
Op isn't very creative if he/she can't open it without the other hand....
enonymous 9
The problem is shes a woman. Us guys are used to doing everything one handed. Open prescription bottles while masturbating is not a rare occurrence in any male house hold.
LiyIa_fml 8
Then you must be pro at opening child proof percription bottles with one hand, 44.
ohxdamnxkay02 12
use your teeth (:
360XBOXFTW 0
HAHAHA 49 YOURE SO FUNNY
jwade11 12
Haha that's funny. Sucks for them though!
james_aka_frosty 3
Hold the bottle with your good hand and use your cheek to push it down the twist the bottle with your hand trust me I had this exact problem and cheek works best
LiyIa_fml 8
Ouch 57, you tainted my soul with stupid.
torijeanne198705 4
44- it has nothing to do with being a woman. Woman can do everything a man can do not saying it in bad way; where we can do better or anything; but the fact that girls can do what guys do as equals. I play cod I fix up cars and have fun so don't say it's a woman thing. I've been in ops position and so has my husband things an b difficult Alone with one hand in some cases
gntfmlingnow 12
This is a bit off topic, but am I the only one who thinks enonymous' comments possibly make the FMLs twice as funny? I tip my hat to you, sir.
theten_fml 9
Have someone open it the first time and leave it open.
zyxwvutsrqponmlk_fml 0
Way to go, 68, he was obviously trying to make a joke, but you just have to be a bitch about it
ChrisTheCalm 9
Psychological pain+ physical pain= our entertainment on FML
torijeanne198705 4
I wasn't being a bitch u dick I was stating that woman are equal idiot!
shenaniganry 3
74 - yeah but you kind of just took the joke and pooped all over it.
humorizer 14
Step 1: Put medicine bottle on table, preferably one with a non-slippery surface. Use a rag if necessary. Step 2: Press down hard with working hand. Step 3: Turn while still pressing hard. Step 4: Congratulations. Physics and friction help you overcome your problem.
wtfcammelcheese 0
Since when do you get pain medication for breaks?!?
Marcella1016 32
Yeah OP isn't very creative. Crook of an elbow, between the knees, even the cheek thing someone mentioned all seem like logical ways to solve the problem. OP probably didn't even try. I guess it doesn't hurt that bad -_-
Mean_Mr_Mustard 9
98- This has always been so. They probably just didn't give you any because you were high enough already.
RadikulRam 16
I bet I can make better sandwiches than you.
thatguy32692 4
I c what u did there :)
AnnaMarieGoodson 3
Lol i love how many negatives you get from saying that...
kona314 1
69 - I agree! And you're number 69 :)
ThatOneCanadian 0
44- then please explain to me why in every olympic sport the men always get a higher score in just about, if not, everything.
YUMMYFRENCHFRIES 16
Enough with the puns!
lulututu 4
There has to be someone you can ask? a neighbor?
supersixfour 7
sounds like... *puts on sunglasses* you could use a hand YEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
nunsrtight69 0
or you could get a girlfriend.
katiebearr10 0
Lmfao you mean 'boyfriend' ... Truee or girlfriend.
rawrkittyrawr 6
Or smash it open
minecraft_fml 4
Use your teeth
lithiafaith 0
Aww I'm sorry that sucks
awagh666 14
So now you know that.... *puts on sunglasses* ...Life's a bitch. YEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
4ugu4 7
So now you know that... *puts sun glasses on* You're a bitch.
minichu 4
I think the best solution is hold the bottle between your thighs while sitting down and then twist the cap. Seems like it might work. Good luck!
tsim_fml 0
1. Grab a hammer. 2. Smash the bottle. 3. Take your medication.
slushpup9696 12
4. ??? 5. Profit.
bamagrl410 31
Hahahahaha. Extreme, but effective.
Awesome_Guy2468 0
Or your feet?
KiddNYC1O 22
That always works!
VVeetard 8
Time to learn how to use your feet
AshleighNason 24
agreed
aardvarkish 17
Luke... use the HAMMER!
Salkadi 9
Take it back to the pharmacy and point out your dilemma
SteveTheJanitor 6
Those doctors didn't really think about that did they...
mexicotoucher 7
I'm fairly sure doctors don't manufacture medicine.
SteveTheJanitor 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I'm fairly sure you don't manufacture medicine
Daralea 21
I'm fairly sure you don't make sense.
ihavenosoul 4
I'm fairly sure that this comment is irrelevant. But I could be wrong.
mexicotoucher 7
42- I work for Johnson & Johnson.