Today, it was my first day as a vacuum salesman. While I was demonstrating how well it removed stains, I managed to smear stuff over the area I was cleaning. So not only was I unsuccessful in removing the original stains, I left them with worse carpet than when I got there. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave a carpet shampooing demonstration in a stranger's home. To my surprise, the white expensive carpet was dyed grey due to something in the solution. The owner held me hostage in her house by barracading the door until my manager got there. FML
Today, I bought a new vacuum cleaner after having to go several months without one. Immediately, I wanted to try it out. I must have underestimated how powerful it was, as it sucked up my socks and then broke. FML
Today, I was at my summer babysitting job. The family's dog puked on the carpet and I proceeded to clean it up with baking soda and a mix of water/vinegar. Instead of blending in with the other areas of the carpet, the one spot I cleaned is white while the other areas are still darkened by filth. FML
Today, I started my new job as a janitor at a store. The first thing that happened when I came in was another employee telling me that there was vomit in the restroom, and that I had to clean it up. Not only did I clean up vomit, I had to clean up the poop that made the kid puke in the first place. FML
Today, I had to clean my house to hide the evidence of the party I threw last night. I attempted to clean the puke stain on my carpet while still drunk. I didn't realize until this morning that the All Purpose cleaner I used was actually All Purpose Adhesive. The evidence is now glued to my carpet. FML
Today, I used the community vacuum to clean my dorm. When spots started appearing on the floor, I assumed it was leaking water. By the time I finished there were tons of wet spots on the floor. Later I found out that someone had just used that very vacuum to suck up vomit. FML
Today, I vacuumed my car as I'm trying to sell it. After the interior was clean, I sprayed some air freshener. The chosen smell was "new car". I think they mislabeled it, as my car now smells like urinal cakes. I have two potential buyers coming tomorrow. FML
Today, the father of my child couldn't understand why he had been laid off from his job as a painter's assistant. He couldn't find a broom or vacuum, so he "cleaned" a carpet by laying down strips of painter's tape and pulling it up. FML
Today, I spilt purple washing detergent all over my white carpet. Desperate to get it up I grabbed a blue towel and started mopping it up. The detergent hasn't stained the carpet at all, the blue dye from the towel has. FML
Today, I bought a used SUV that had fairly dirty carpets, that got even more dirty as I drove my two daughters around. I got it professionally cleaned and detailed and it looks brand new, but now my daughters cry and scream as I put them in the clean car, because their favorite stain is not there anymore. FML
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Top comments
MrSchneebly 5
Wow you used their carpet! Jesus bring a tester one or something, don't go trashing peoples homes
WCARlover 35
"...and this is how not to use it"
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Comments (95)
GermanOnslaught 13
Bravo, hope you don't get sued. And maybe it was shit you smeared?
WCARlover 35
Your pic is scary 0_0
blade4080 7
Your pic is hot.
rexgar2000 10
that's sucks... I would be embarrassed as hell, I wonder what you had to say to defend yourself against something like this.
Muslimgal92 0
OP name is Justin beiber (JB)! lol Apparently JB has a second job as a vacuum sales man!! Hmm...
flockz 20
ya except the only suction he sells comes from his lips. you made that too easy.
MedKits 9
Jack in the Box
MedKits 9
20 - or Jack in a Box. Also, excuse me while I go kill myself for the double post.
crazyfella 0
Someone didn't read the instructions..........
TheDeadlyTurtle 7
Or BJ for ******** but instead he rearranged the letters so it means JB job Blows ?
Turtle11 0
No, it doesn't blow, it sucks.
tylerbro 3
Hahaha fail ydi! And second
WCARlover 35
"I left them with worse carpet than when I got there" could have been written a lot better
MrSchneebly 5
Wow you used their carpet! Jesus bring a tester one or something, don't go trashing peoples homes
nixter5 18
You should've been like "Yeah uh....about that..." and just ran out the door as fast as you can haha.
monkeebalz 0
That sucks
99problems99 0
You know what would be really funny, if you were to keep on reading this comment, no seriously you're still reading. How stupid are you?
cntryiscntrywide 0
left them? on no, I'd be pissed off, yud buy me a new carpet.
yumlicious 4
Definitely yud.
evebright 5
Here's mine. He says he will clean any mess he makes. He leaves a pile of dirt on my carpet and while packing his car, simply left once packed. No goodbye. I vacuum it up, found the office and complained. The manager said, "well, it's your dirt isn't it?". Outraged, I dumped the canister on his desk and phone and replied, "Now it's yours". I was SOOO pissed.
Calyx_fml 22
Your life sucks because you are a vacuum salesman. See what I did there?
Muslimgal92 0
No we did not, please explain this horrible "pun" of yours!
MZPONY 7
Let me try? "Suck" it up OP, quit complaining and just fix it. No? XP
me_gusta_eso 1
This comment was so terrible I think he/she was kidding..
samikitty961 8
that was funny! haha! lol! don't feel bad calyx! i got the joke!
olivia_r 0
Yes yes I did, you made an ass of yourself.
bmwguy01 8
now what kind of vacuum do you sell?
TheDeadlyTurtle 7
One that doesn't suck as much as his job.
MikeDa1Da 14
Your BMW is hot af
WCARlover 35
"...and this is how not to use it"
Ecklcakes 15
*will not remove bullshit stains
Peach3 1
Time to switch vacuum companies! It's not your fault the vacuum doesn't do what you were led to believe it would. You were just doing your job.
Peach3 1
Yes I feel like an idiot after reading the FML a second time and realizing he accidentally spilled something.
rexgar2000 10
no where in the FML does it say he spilled something. Read again.
runnerguy1987 8
10 - The company shouldn't have "led him to believe" anything. Whatever the company said about the vacuums, he should have tried the vacuums out on a variety of surfaces with a variety of stuff on the floor to vacuum up to test the vacuums before taking the job. If he didn't try them out before accepting, this problem he created would have been his own damn fault.
downtime 13
40, You don't understand how the business world works do you? If a company says a product can do something it is not up to the sales rep to check if its bullshit and avoid demonstrating it to the customer, the product HAS TO do what it claims. Stating claims that are false is illegal.
THE_A_TEEN 28
This is why you don't test vacuums on shit stains...