Today, I went to my girlfriend's house for the first time. I had to use the restroom, and when I came back, I mocked her brothers' lame Pokémon shower curtain and Ninja Turtle towels. Turns out they were hers. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
Today, I took a shower at my girlfriend's apartment. I was wandering around, gathering my clothes when I noticed my girl doing her hair in the other room. She looked sort of peculiar, so I stood there, studying her. Half naked. I then realized it wasn't my girlfriend, but her roommate. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML
Today, I let my boyfriend sleep over at my house for the first time. Upon arriving, he tossed his stuff on the floor and said "I gotta take a piss, where's your shower?" FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML
Today, I visited my girlfriend's apartment for the first time. I guess she forgot to do some spring cleaning before I showed up, because I saw my laptop on her couch. The same laptop that was stolen from my house along with several other valuables last week. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was coming over for a surprise visit. I quickly tidied up, but not before shoving all my dirty laundry under the bed. When she arrived, she brought her dog in. Her dog immediately sniffed out the laundry and dragged my most embarrassing underwear into the living room while her parents watched. FML
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Top comments
f_alltheirlives 3
Appreciate an awesome girlfriend you stupid COW!(ABUNGA)
passwordis_fml 2
don't mock the ninja turtles..
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Comments (102)
Glam_fml 0
Haha I have TMNT towels too! -high fives your ex girlfriend- Luckily, my boyfriend is also awesome and loves them as well. We still play Turtles in Time.
davidomke 0
you're a dumbass, really
insomniacdude 0
YDI for dating a five year old.
kiwee123 0
fair enough
vendris 5
YDI for mocking TNMT!
fash 0
Critical hit!
Intoxicunt 6
You have a girlfriend, yet you live in Texas? I thought all you cowboys liked "Brokeback Mountain"... Or maybe you moved there after you got her interested, in which case, no wonder she dumped you. There, plexi. :)
plexico 4
Oh, the pain! I have a dog who someone told me was a breed that was a great cattle dog. I've always wanted to bring her around some cows to see if her instincts kick in. I don't even know anyone with cattle. Some Texan I am, huh?
Intoxicunt 6
That's because you eat all the cattle. You're a fine Texan. Eating and herding is interchangeable. Ok, I think I found my "mean joke" limit. I just thought of a nice one in reference to cows, but...I think it would be crossing the line. So I'll keep this one to myself.
Sevenfold 0
I'd be happy if I were you. Not so much Pokemon but TMNT are amazing.
i_luv_cheese 0
the hell is wrong with you?? Pokemon is the shit. i hope she dumped you.
DynamicDave 11
Your girlfriend is awesome! Give her my number. K thanx.