Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
Today, I brought my new girlfriend home. My overprotective sister got into her face and started the whole, "if you hurt him, I’ll kick your ass" speech. My girlfriend responded by whooping my sister’s ass up and down our driveway. It took both me and my mom to pull her off. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML
Today, my girlfriend invited me over for the first time. I pulled up to her house just to be denied at the front door by her mum. She'd invited me over to break up with me, but had her mum do it for her. FML
Today, I was hooking up with my girlfriend when her dad knocked on the clear door that leads to the room. About 5 minutes later both of her parents came in to give us the "talk" which included the first time her parents did it. In detail. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mom and my dad met for the first time. We discovered that they are each other's exes, and not only that, my girlfriend, whom I have been dating, hanging out, confiding with, being intimate with, shared each other's first times, and plan to marry, is actually my half-sister. FML
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Top comments
wlddog 14
Well you see... First the house was attacked by pirates. Thankfully the mom managed to get her hands on the family wooden sword and defend their dwelling. But then they found out there was actually a spy in the house and it was a clone of the sister. Of course everyone knows that clones can only be defeated by getting put in the dryer, so dad was defeating the evil clone while mom defended against any future pirate attacks. It was a good thing Op brought his girlfriend to his house for safety, because who knows which house the pirates would attack next!
Jelbeztok 17
sounds like you have a very interesting family. what was their reason for this?
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Comments (107)
Jelbeztok 17
sounds like you have a very interesting family. what was their reason for this?
wlddog 14
Well you see... First the house was attacked by pirates. Thankfully the mom managed to get her hands on the family wooden sword and defend their dwelling. But then they found out there was actually a spy in the house and it was a clone of the sister. Of course everyone knows that clones can only be defeated by getting put in the dryer, so dad was defeating the evil clone while mom defended against any future pirate attacks. It was a good thing Op brought his girlfriend to his house for safety, because who knows which house the pirates would attack next!
Meettitan 14
I spiked the milk with bath salts.
BadApple88 29
I love this lol
ironichalibut 24
Everyone knows a clone can only be defeated by the original after a lengthy symmetrical fight, in which the original learns to master their own weaknesses to defeat the clone. The clone must have hid in the dryer, so they had to send her in after them
TourettesGuyFTW 26
wlddog, your story brought a tear to my eye. Just beautiful. :')
evilraider 5
So that means your gf doesn't have to try very hard to not be awkward or embarrassing. Your parents got that part covered
PrimeEvilTahir 24
I wonder if it's the same family who argued about toilet paper and sensitive anus?
SimplyAmazingx 11
Sounds like an awesome family to me!
OliveCx 10
Sounds more like an MLIA, right? ^_^
PimpdaddyCJT 13
Your family seems amazing!
jipster 11
Why the hell would your father want to shove your sister in de dryer?
rg350dx 29
To save money on towels.
Welshite 40
#6: That's what I do. Not only does it save money, but I don't have to worry about doing the laundry later.
RpiesSPIES 27
No, that would take more money than buying reuseable towels. He did it because it's cheaper than taking her to a waterpark for the rotating tunnel experience.
VeganVampyre 27
They were playing "Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters". The sister was the evil witch being shoved into the oven, and the mom had her crossbow ready to shoot any other witches who showed up to fight.
Welshite 40
Can we switch families, OP?
TourettesGuyFTW 26
I'll double whatever Welshite offers!
skyeyez9 25
Sounds pretty normal to me.
FlyingPie 17
Some situations just aren't as cut-and-dry as you'd like them to be.
morngo 8
That is the best pun iv heard all month
Getspmak 15
Sounds like my place !
keverdeen 14
The mental picture I am imagining right now is hilarious.
feilsa17 6
Yes
Welshite 40
...no, maybe, perhaps.
Jemm_fml 29
The person you need is Nanny McPhee!